It's Just Not Fair

Life isn't fair. We have never been promised a fair life, but I would venture to guess we all feel like we deserve to be treated fairly. The idea of fairness is a really difficult one for me. I am a special education teacher. My job is to help equalize education for the students in my classroom. Although each student has different needs and strengths, I am supposed to design lessons, assignments, and assessments that allow all students to equally access and learn the information. Some students get copies of notes, have shortened assignments, or get extra time, but that is all in the name of keeping things equitable, or "fair," for everyone.

Let's jump to a different area of my life. Parenting. There isn't a teacher trying to help this aspect of life be "fair." Just a few of the injustices of parenting:
- infertility
- miscarriage
- stillbirth
- losing a child
- divorce
- single-parenting

I have not experienced many of theses injustices, but the point remains that life isn't fair. People don't deserve or earn infertility (or any of the other items listed above) just as they don't earn or deserve fertility. It just happens. It is personal and private, but it becomes an identifying factor about your life, both to you and to others. Although I would rather not have everyone I come into contact with know about my personal struggles because of miscarriages and working to adopt, this very private part of my life has become almost my entire identity. This has been a challenge.

My oldest son struggles with this same idea. His life isn't fair. He didn't have great birth parents. He was taken away from those parents and has experienced a great loss. He had to live in foster homes. He has PTSD. School is hard for him. He is smaller than the other kids in his class.

Most days, he just can go on with life pretty "normally." On bad days, he spends the day mourning the inequities in his life. When this happens, there are tantrums, tears, cuddling, physical aggression, and much more. It is hard to find the right words to help him sometimes. All I can do is hold him, tell him I love him, and then let him know that I wish his life would have been easier...but I am so glad to have him in my family.