Our Christmas Blessings!

God has truly blessed us!

On Christmas Eve day, we were able to meet our children. We sat in a visit room at DHS, along with all the birth parents waiting to have a Christmas visit, and I couldn't help but think about the losses these kids have had. They have lost their birth parents, and they are about to lose their foster parents and foster siblings. The worked also gave us photo albums and letters from the birth mother. There are baby pictures, ultrasound pictures, and so much more in those albums! What a precious gift for our children, and what a terrible loss for their parents. It was kind of tough to think about, but those thoughts were minimized when our kids entered our room. Our daughter, who "doesn't like men" and is "very difficult to get to know" came right in and hugged us. She didn't leave my husband's side! She read book after book with him and snuggled up close. She petted his face and hugged him every so often. It was very special. Our two sons, Little and Big, both gave us hugs and were moderately receptive. They didn't jump for joy, but they didn't reject us. After awhile, we all went to McDonald's. It was a good thing the foster mother was with us because we didn't even know what to order the kids! We spent about an hour there, and then we all went our own ways. Little was adorable with his cheeky laugh and adorable dimples! When I was carrying him to his car, he said, "You're a monster!" I was horrified, but then I realized that he was teasing me so that I would pretend to get him. I "got" him a few times, and was rewarded with the greatest laughter I have ever heard! It was a great Christmas!

Yesterday we were able to take them out on our own. We picked them up, and then drove to a store because we didn't know that Little needed diapers. Daddy sat in the car while I took Big into the store. I knew I was asking for trouble. What 5 year old is going to be well-behaved while we walk through clearance toy aisles to buy diapers? When we were fostering, I don't think we had a single day without a tantrum. I know we never had a trip to a store without a tantrum, so it was a big risk. Big was awesome! He picked out the diapers and wipes, carried them to the self checkout, helped me check out, and never asked for a thing. In fact, when we walked down the cursed toy aisle, he said, "Look at the toys." That was it. I almost cried with joy! When we got back to the car, he announced that he was a "real good helper." I asked foster mom about this later, and she said none of them tantrum in the store anymore because she worked through that with them. What a blessing! Anyway, we went to our hotel to open gifts. I was worried because we didn't have toys - we just had a tie blanket for each child that I had made, a book about forever families, and a backpack. You would have thought they had been given the coolest toys in the world. We read their books while snuggled up, and then we went back to McDonald's. We had a great time with them there, and it was precious to see the little two interacting. What a big sister our daughter is! I heard her say, "Now, you just lay down and pretend to be a sleeping baby." Little didn't go along with this plan, but it was still adorable. We took them back to their home after awhile, and we received some great hugs. The kids enthusiastically shared their whole experience with their foster mommy. They even seem excited about coming home with us next week. They don't understand the losses they are about to have, but at least they like us and are excited about it! I can't wait for today's outing!

Skype - our first meeting!

I am in love! <3 We Skyped with our kids for the first time yesterday!

The kids were told about their upcoming move and adoption yesterday. Afterwards, they read them our welcome book. The kids wanted to see more, so they called us to Skype. I was so nervous - it was a good thing we didn't have much time to prepare for the idea because I would have been a mess! The first thing we saw is our little son's big brown eyes, and we heard his little voice say, "Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy." I did not cry at the time, but I definitely made up for it later (and now). Then we talked to our daughter. I complimented her hair bow. Our older son came into the picture a little bit later. He was loud and excited; it was great! We showed them their rooms, toys, the Christmas tree, the stockings, and so on. The oldest one was excited about Daddy's hat, and he had to show us his hat too. We talked for 25 minutes. At the end of the call, they blew us kisses. I will probably never forget that moment.

I know they don't understand the loss they are about to experience, leaving the family they have known for 2 years, but they are excited to have us as their parents. There will be good days and bad days, and some day they will say that they don't like us and we aren't their real parents, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we just love them.

We will Skype again today and tomorrow. Then on Monday, we can meet them. I will try to breathe deeply until then.

3 days!

We meet our kids in THREE days! We are as ready as we could possibly be to welcome home three kids we have never met. We have everything assembled, cleaned, and organized. We have visited schools, made appointments, and planned for our absences from work.

As I was cleaning some things, I found my journal entries from my first pregnancy. I was shocked at how "quickly" I have forgotten the terrible pain of our loss. We were so excited, and a bit worried, until our 8 week appointment. Then we felt reassured that everything was perfect. We were back to pure joy and imagining the future. I don't have any entries that are not happy (what happened to the ones after we found out that the baby had died??). It just is like a frozen frame of two people, in love, waiting for the birth of their first child. I cried when I read it. It just seems so unfair that a special time like that was taken from us. I really had forgotten how life felt before all the bad news started. I haven't really thought about the trauma of it all in quite some time. I thought about sharing the pages with my husband, but I figured they would have no positive effect on his day, so I will file them away in a different hidden corner. It's okay that I forget those feelings and focus on the feelings of now.

THREE DAYS UNTIL FOREVER FAMILY! We are super excited! We are praying for a smooth transition and lots of happy memories :)

The Best Christmas Ever

I am overwhelmed with joy! This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! We will be able to Skype with our kids for a few days before Christmas, and we will meet them on Christmas Eve. We will visit with them for several days and bring them home for the new year. Despite all the challenges of pregnancy loss and the loss of our foster children, God has truly blessed us. I cannot imagine things any other way. I am so emotionally overwhelmed that I cried from my dentist appointment to the pharmacy and then all the way home - not just little tears overflowing, but ugly, scrunched-up-face crying. Ridiculous!

What are we giving our kids for their first Christmas presents? My husband suggested something cuddly, so I made them each a tie blanket (two Cars and one Tinkerbell). I wanted to give each child their own theme of blanket, but, in the end, I decided to give the toys boys the same thing because I know they both like cars, and I don't know what other interests they have. We are also giving them each a book about forever families and adoption. I cried as I read the sample pages on Amazon. Once again, not a cute, happy cry - I cried loudly as I read the pages to my husband. He had to get two tissues to clean up the mess.I even cried a little when my husband brought me the printed schedule of our visits. What a huge blessing!