I will always be your mother

Yesterday I posted about our exciting adoption finalization. I wanted to highlight all of the excitement and memories we will have forever! I forgot to mention the low point of the day. We invited the foster family that the kiddos had lived with for two years, and the kids loved seeing their foster mother and her kids. It was a great time of hugs and playing, but it was tarnished by the mom's behavior. Upon seeing her, the kids shouted her name and ran to greet her (except my daughter who was NOT interested in reconnecting). When she pulled them in for a hug, she very sternly said, "You do not call me by my name. You can me mom. I will always be your mother, and you will ALWAYS call me mom." Huh?!?!?!

First of all, I am a foster mother. I have foster three kiddos, who I have seen after they have moved on (either back with parents or with another relative). I never told a child to call me mom, and I definitely tried to keep the confusion to a minimum by helping them understand that I would always love them and be their foster mom, but that I didn't expect or want them to continue calling me mom when they left. In the photo album, we labeled everything with our names. One mother asked if the kids could call us "Aunt and Uncle." We told her they could call us whatever she thought was best. Yes, it was hard, especially with the kiddo we had for a year, but that is how fostering goes.

What bothers me the most, though, was how confusing that was for our kids! They have already lost their biological parents, gone through several sets of foster parents, and transitioned to our home. I am sure they were confused and emotional anyhow because of the finalization and seeing their foster family again. Why would she EVER say that they have to call her mom, especially ten minutes before their finalization?

Now, I tend to be a bit sensitive, especially if it comes to my children, but I feel like this was way across the line. I actually feel like talking to the worker and explaining why the kids may have limited contact with her for a bit. Lots to think about. I know it is food for the kiddos to have connections, but not if those connections are adding confusion and pain, right?

Skype

Technology is a such a blessing! We are able to Skype with the kiddos foster parents, chat with new relatives they have yet to meet, and it's how we first "met" them! Skype has been very emotional for us all in the last few months. I cried for a long time, tears of pure joy, when I first Skyped with the kiddos. The kids also get pretty emotional when they Skype with their foster parents. I know they need this connection to the last two years of their lives, but it is difficult to deal with the aftermath. They fight over the attention, and they all end up crying at one time or another. So what to do?

Well, I think we have finally found a system that works though! Each child gets 5 minutes to talk to whatever "guest" we have on Skype. This ends up being a 15-20 minute conversation, which is about perfect. It prevents the fighting for attention, and, even though it is still emotional for the kids, no one ends up crying. It is wonderful to be able to keep a connection without having to sacrifice our sanity :) 

Back to Work...Kind of

So I went back to work on Monday. I hadn't worked in eight weeks because I had two weeks of Christmas vacation and six weeks of adoption leave. I teach 6th graders. My husband is on a business trip for two weeks. Yep, it was definitely a tough week! The days were exhausting, I lost my voice, and I the blizzard sure didn't help. On the bright side, I only ended up working three and half days this week, report cards are done, and I have a four day week again this week. Well, maybe it will only be a three day week because we are supposed to have another blizzard...

Overall, I am feeling like the first week back went better for all of us than expected, and I am excited for next week. I was really worried that my kids would have some regression when I went back to work, but we seem to be going along about the same as we were before. I did forget to do homework with my child one night, but I think this week will be better. Thank God for answered prayers!

One Month

Yesterday was one month since we brought out kids home. That is almost unbelievable! What did we do before they were here? How did we spend our days? What kind of insane people were we to adopt children we had never met? How have I spent the last four weeks? What am I going to do with the next two weeks of leave, and how will I ever function when I go back to work?

I can honestly say that I am already beginning to forget what was like without them. I know we all have so much more adjusting to do, and we definitely haven't learned nearly everything about each other, we are a family that loves each other and is so thankful that we have been united.

When the kids first arrived, I was so worried about them adjusting to life here. They kept telling us about their house and beds and clothes and school. They were talking about all of the things from their past.  I just kept wondering when they would start to think of this life as their life. When would this be their home, teacher, clothes, beds? We are getting there. They know our routines, neighbors, and friends. They can recognize their house and recite their address. In five more months, when we finalize the adoption, I am sure we will feel like we have always been together. Don't misunderstand, we don't want them to forget. We have pictures, and we Skype with their foster family to make sure they remember. We do want them to think of this as their family and to know that these are their things.

I am so thankful for them -even when someone pees in their bed, gets a little sassy, or has a timeout at school. I love them, and I can't imagine life having been any different.

One day of work = bad day

I hadn't worked since December 22nd, and then I worked Tuesday evening (a meeting) and all day Wednesday (another meeting). Yes, I am still on leave until February 18th, but I had a couple of meetings that were very important for me to attend. It was a rough day. Things have been going so well, but yesterday was hectic and unpleasant, and I missed my kids. I picked them up after work, made supper, fed them, cleaned up spilled milk, drove to church (late), and then cried in my car after I dropped them off. I felt like I just rushed them around all afternoon and didn't get to spend any time with them. I sure hope I can adjust when I go back to work in a month. It also really made me realize that I need to make the most of my time at home as possible, and that I will have to give myself some time when I go back. At least all the kids are doing great at school and still adjusting well :)

One Week

Well, we made it through the first week! We had some great successes: first week of kindergarten, first time attending Wednesday night church (everyone loved it!), preschool screenings for the little two, and a week of being a stay at home mom while Daddy went back to work. They are such great kids!! They have normal sibling disagreements and age-appropriate issues, but they are pretty wonderful. They are still great sleepers and eaters, and the biggest issue we have is having the kids all vying for our attention at the same time (loudly, I might add). We are ending a great week by pizza, hot wings (yes, they love them), and watching the Lion King. I think this will be a weekly tradition. Dinner and a movie - and I get to watch all my favorites!

Settling In

We have been home now since Wednesday evening. That means we have woken up in our own beds four times as a family of 5! They are great sleepers - 11 hours at night and a two hour nap. We are figuring each other out. Our routines, likes, dislikes, and so much more. It feels like every day is something new to figure out! Bath, supper, weekends, art projects, laundry, and church. There have been almost no tears. In fact, the only tears have been when we have said no to something (I mean, why wouldn't I let my daughter throw play dough, right?). This might still be the honeymoon period, but I am hoping they keep it up! We have an incentive program (a clip chart with colors) that seems to be motivating to all of them, so that is wonderful!

Tomorrow is the first day of school for my kindergartener! He wants to go so he can meet friends and learn, so we are going to send him. I am nervous. I don't want him to leave, but I know he needs to go sometime.  School is a challenge for him, but I am hoping he can do well. He really is a great kid, and he loves to make everyone happy. Now I have to start making arrangements for after school care and daycare/preschool for the other two. I hate to even think about when I go back to school in 6 weeks, but I guess I can't keep them home with me forever. They will be all mine in the summer though :) How surreal is all of this! This might sound strange, but they don't really feel like they are mine yet. I love them, and they love me, but we don't have weeks, months, and years of history yet. We don't know all the details of each others' personalities, and we don't quite know what to expect. I think this will be a great adventure!

2013 - Hopeful beginnings!

We spent the first 11 hours of 2013 with our children. It was our first overnight experience, and it went great! They went to bed very nicely and slept until 7:30! We brought them back to their foster family to spend one more day with them, and then we spent the day relaxing.

Today will be an interesting day because we get to bring them home. There is sure to be lots of excitement as we embark upon our new journey, but there will be some tough stuff too. They will have to leave the home they have been in for two years, and they will be in the car for probably 7 hours. When we do get home, they will want to look around and try out the different toys and things. I will have to go grocery shopping, and there are lots of potential melt-down points. It's probably going to be a tough few days, but we will be patient and pray for the best.

Part of what I did yesterday was to do a bit of shopping (we found some water bottles and divided plates) and to work on the kids' journals I have for them. I found all of these ideas on Pinterest, and I decided to combine them into one leather-bound journal I will give them at some point when they are older. The first idea was a quote book to record all of their precious moments. The second idea was a 20 questions to ask each year on their birthdays (favorite color, what they want to be when they grow up, and so on). The final idea was a journal to write them letters each year on their birthday. Well, I figured I could never keep up with three things, so I combined them all. So far, I have written them each their adoption story, told them about our first meeting and Christmas together, and written down some quotes. I have also started their 20 questions. I know it is none of their birthdays right now, but I wanted an initial starting point. I hope that I can keep this up and have something beautiful and wonderful for them when they are older.

Here's to a great year! 2013 is sure to bring lots of challenges (what year doesn't), but our family is complete, and we are hopeful for our new beginnings. As the saying goes, "Nothing worthwhile comes easily."

Our Christmas Blessings!

God has truly blessed us!

On Christmas Eve day, we were able to meet our children. We sat in a visit room at DHS, along with all the birth parents waiting to have a Christmas visit, and I couldn't help but think about the losses these kids have had. They have lost their birth parents, and they are about to lose their foster parents and foster siblings. The worked also gave us photo albums and letters from the birth mother. There are baby pictures, ultrasound pictures, and so much more in those albums! What a precious gift for our children, and what a terrible loss for their parents. It was kind of tough to think about, but those thoughts were minimized when our kids entered our room. Our daughter, who "doesn't like men" and is "very difficult to get to know" came right in and hugged us. She didn't leave my husband's side! She read book after book with him and snuggled up close. She petted his face and hugged him every so often. It was very special. Our two sons, Little and Big, both gave us hugs and were moderately receptive. They didn't jump for joy, but they didn't reject us. After awhile, we all went to McDonald's. It was a good thing the foster mother was with us because we didn't even know what to order the kids! We spent about an hour there, and then we all went our own ways. Little was adorable with his cheeky laugh and adorable dimples! When I was carrying him to his car, he said, "You're a monster!" I was horrified, but then I realized that he was teasing me so that I would pretend to get him. I "got" him a few times, and was rewarded with the greatest laughter I have ever heard! It was a great Christmas!

Yesterday we were able to take them out on our own. We picked them up, and then drove to a store because we didn't know that Little needed diapers. Daddy sat in the car while I took Big into the store. I knew I was asking for trouble. What 5 year old is going to be well-behaved while we walk through clearance toy aisles to buy diapers? When we were fostering, I don't think we had a single day without a tantrum. I know we never had a trip to a store without a tantrum, so it was a big risk. Big was awesome! He picked out the diapers and wipes, carried them to the self checkout, helped me check out, and never asked for a thing. In fact, when we walked down the cursed toy aisle, he said, "Look at the toys." That was it. I almost cried with joy! When we got back to the car, he announced that he was a "real good helper." I asked foster mom about this later, and she said none of them tantrum in the store anymore because she worked through that with them. What a blessing! Anyway, we went to our hotel to open gifts. I was worried because we didn't have toys - we just had a tie blanket for each child that I had made, a book about forever families, and a backpack. You would have thought they had been given the coolest toys in the world. We read their books while snuggled up, and then we went back to McDonald's. We had a great time with them there, and it was precious to see the little two interacting. What a big sister our daughter is! I heard her say, "Now, you just lay down and pretend to be a sleeping baby." Little didn't go along with this plan, but it was still adorable. We took them back to their home after awhile, and we received some great hugs. The kids enthusiastically shared their whole experience with their foster mommy. They even seem excited about coming home with us next week. They don't understand the losses they are about to have, but at least they like us and are excited about it! I can't wait for today's outing!

Postponed

It looks like my little kiddos will be postponed. Originally we thought Thanksgiving was a realistic timeline. This week it was suggested that the end of December is more realistic. Maybe even two or three more months. It was a bit hard to deal with that information. What difference does one month make, right? Well, when you have been waiting two and half years, it is quite frustrating. Of course, having an extra month means one more month of planning, cleaning, and mommy-daddy time before chaos begins. It also means being able to hang out with friends and having an extra month to save up money for things we want to have for them (bunk beds and a kitchen island are at the top of the list).

Today I hung up all my girl's clothes according to size. Since I don't really know what size my daughter wears, at least she can start with her size, and I can give away the items that are too small. Next weekend I hope to organize the boys' room. I probably won't hang up all the clothes, but I might fold them neatly into piles and move a second bed into that room. In two weeks, my friend will be visiting. She is a crafty person, so I have enlisted her help on some other projects: bathroom and bedroom name art as well as a headband holder (thank you, Pinterest). So I guess I am rolling with the punches as postponement becomes an expected part of our lives. I will be so glad when this is all over. 

Welcome Book

After all the ups and downs since August, we are finally looking forward to the next chapter in our lives. I have spent the last few days sorting through tubs of clothes and toys, taking some courses on attachment and parenting, and working on a welcome book for our kids. I have taken pictures of all our home, church, school, neighborhood, and places of work. We have requested pictures from our family members and friends as well. I have written a sentence or two for each person and place, and I have included our family rules and daily schedule. How exciting! Would be great if we could meet them soon to give them their welcome book!

We have been contacted by the local agency to work on the ICPC, so that is another huge step in the right direction. I recently ran across this Bible verse from1 Samuel 1:27: "For this child I prayed, and the Lord granted me what I asked of him."