Keeping Ties

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, I got a text from the foster family my kids lived with for two years. They asked if they could talk for awhile. We used to Skype or call pretty regularly, but somewhere, over time, the kids became much less interested in keeping connections. This time, everyone was eager to chat! We started out with a few minutes on the phone, and then we moved into Skype. The foster family recently had a new baby, so everyone enjoyed "meeting" her. The foster mom even suggested she might come and visit this summer. At first I was kind of taken aback! I mean, shouldn't someone preview that with the parents before they announce they will be coming to visit? But then I realized that she truly is always welcome at our house, just another extension of a large family tree. 

Today my daughter spent time making a family book of her own (kind of like the life book we gave each kiddo). She used illustrations only, but here are the contents of the book: 

Page 1 - Our family 

Page 2 - Her foster parents (but she really meant her birth parents). I think her only "memories" of her birth parents are what she hears from her brother or sees in her life book. 

Page 3 - My sister and her family 

Page 4 - Her foster family, including their new baby 

Page 5 - All of her cousins 

It truly melted my heart to read her family book. It wasn't a sad book at all but rather a celebration of all the people in her life that love her and have taken care of her or meant something special. The idea that her family book is growing with time is an amazing statement of the love and support I hope she is feeling. My hope for each of my kids is that they will see their support system grow a little bigger each year and that their roots will get a little deeper. Over time, their "family tree" will be so massive from their birth family, foster family, adoptive family, teachers, and our church family that, even if they have a limb that breaks or they experience a season of drought, they will be able to continue to thrive and grow strong.  

Skype

Technology is a such a blessing! We are able to Skype with the kiddos foster parents, chat with new relatives they have yet to meet, and it's how we first "met" them! Skype has been very emotional for us all in the last few months. I cried for a long time, tears of pure joy, when I first Skyped with the kiddos. The kids also get pretty emotional when they Skype with their foster parents. I know they need this connection to the last two years of their lives, but it is difficult to deal with the aftermath. They fight over the attention, and they all end up crying at one time or another. So what to do?

Well, I think we have finally found a system that works though! Each child gets 5 minutes to talk to whatever "guest" we have on Skype. This ends up being a 15-20 minute conversation, which is about perfect. It prevents the fighting for attention, and, even though it is still emotional for the kids, no one ends up crying. It is wonderful to be able to keep a connection without having to sacrifice our sanity :) 

Skype - our first meeting!

I am in love! <3 We Skyped with our kids for the first time yesterday!

The kids were told about their upcoming move and adoption yesterday. Afterwards, they read them our welcome book. The kids wanted to see more, so they called us to Skype. I was so nervous - it was a good thing we didn't have much time to prepare for the idea because I would have been a mess! The first thing we saw is our little son's big brown eyes, and we heard his little voice say, "Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy." I did not cry at the time, but I definitely made up for it later (and now). Then we talked to our daughter. I complimented her hair bow. Our older son came into the picture a little bit later. He was loud and excited; it was great! We showed them their rooms, toys, the Christmas tree, the stockings, and so on. The oldest one was excited about Daddy's hat, and he had to show us his hat too. We talked for 25 minutes. At the end of the call, they blew us kisses. I will probably never forget that moment.

I know they don't understand the loss they are about to experience, leaving the family they have known for 2 years, but they are excited to have us as their parents. There will be good days and bad days, and some day they will say that they don't like us and we aren't their real parents, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we just love them.

We will Skype again today and tomorrow. Then on Monday, we can meet them. I will try to breathe deeply until then.