Our Christmas Blessings!

God has truly blessed us!

On Christmas Eve day, we were able to meet our children. We sat in a visit room at DHS, along with all the birth parents waiting to have a Christmas visit, and I couldn't help but think about the losses these kids have had. They have lost their birth parents, and they are about to lose their foster parents and foster siblings. The worked also gave us photo albums and letters from the birth mother. There are baby pictures, ultrasound pictures, and so much more in those albums! What a precious gift for our children, and what a terrible loss for their parents. It was kind of tough to think about, but those thoughts were minimized when our kids entered our room. Our daughter, who "doesn't like men" and is "very difficult to get to know" came right in and hugged us. She didn't leave my husband's side! She read book after book with him and snuggled up close. She petted his face and hugged him every so often. It was very special. Our two sons, Little and Big, both gave us hugs and were moderately receptive. They didn't jump for joy, but they didn't reject us. After awhile, we all went to McDonald's. It was a good thing the foster mother was with us because we didn't even know what to order the kids! We spent about an hour there, and then we all went our own ways. Little was adorable with his cheeky laugh and adorable dimples! When I was carrying him to his car, he said, "You're a monster!" I was horrified, but then I realized that he was teasing me so that I would pretend to get him. I "got" him a few times, and was rewarded with the greatest laughter I have ever heard! It was a great Christmas!

Yesterday we were able to take them out on our own. We picked them up, and then drove to a store because we didn't know that Little needed diapers. Daddy sat in the car while I took Big into the store. I knew I was asking for trouble. What 5 year old is going to be well-behaved while we walk through clearance toy aisles to buy diapers? When we were fostering, I don't think we had a single day without a tantrum. I know we never had a trip to a store without a tantrum, so it was a big risk. Big was awesome! He picked out the diapers and wipes, carried them to the self checkout, helped me check out, and never asked for a thing. In fact, when we walked down the cursed toy aisle, he said, "Look at the toys." That was it. I almost cried with joy! When we got back to the car, he announced that he was a "real good helper." I asked foster mom about this later, and she said none of them tantrum in the store anymore because she worked through that with them. What a blessing! Anyway, we went to our hotel to open gifts. I was worried because we didn't have toys - we just had a tie blanket for each child that I had made, a book about forever families, and a backpack. You would have thought they had been given the coolest toys in the world. We read their books while snuggled up, and then we went back to McDonald's. We had a great time with them there, and it was precious to see the little two interacting. What a big sister our daughter is! I heard her say, "Now, you just lay down and pretend to be a sleeping baby." Little didn't go along with this plan, but it was still adorable. We took them back to their home after awhile, and we received some great hugs. The kids enthusiastically shared their whole experience with their foster mommy. They even seem excited about coming home with us next week. They don't understand the losses they are about to have, but at least they like us and are excited about it! I can't wait for today's outing!

Skype - our first meeting!

I am in love! <3 We Skyped with our kids for the first time yesterday!

The kids were told about their upcoming move and adoption yesterday. Afterwards, they read them our welcome book. The kids wanted to see more, so they called us to Skype. I was so nervous - it was a good thing we didn't have much time to prepare for the idea because I would have been a mess! The first thing we saw is our little son's big brown eyes, and we heard his little voice say, "Hi Mommy. Hi Daddy." I did not cry at the time, but I definitely made up for it later (and now). Then we talked to our daughter. I complimented her hair bow. Our older son came into the picture a little bit later. He was loud and excited; it was great! We showed them their rooms, toys, the Christmas tree, the stockings, and so on. The oldest one was excited about Daddy's hat, and he had to show us his hat too. We talked for 25 minutes. At the end of the call, they blew us kisses. I will probably never forget that moment.

I know they don't understand the loss they are about to experience, leaving the family they have known for 2 years, but they are excited to have us as their parents. There will be good days and bad days, and some day they will say that they don't like us and we aren't their real parents, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, we just love them.

We will Skype again today and tomorrow. Then on Monday, we can meet them. I will try to breathe deeply until then.

The Best Christmas Ever

I am overwhelmed with joy! This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! We will be able to Skype with our kids for a few days before Christmas, and we will meet them on Christmas Eve. We will visit with them for several days and bring them home for the new year. Despite all the challenges of pregnancy loss and the loss of our foster children, God has truly blessed us. I cannot imagine things any other way. I am so emotionally overwhelmed that I cried from my dentist appointment to the pharmacy and then all the way home - not just little tears overflowing, but ugly, scrunched-up-face crying. Ridiculous!

What are we giving our kids for their first Christmas presents? My husband suggested something cuddly, so I made them each a tie blanket (two Cars and one Tinkerbell). I wanted to give each child their own theme of blanket, but, in the end, I decided to give the toys boys the same thing because I know they both like cars, and I don't know what other interests they have. We are also giving them each a book about forever families and adoption. I cried as I read the sample pages on Amazon. Once again, not a cute, happy cry - I cried loudly as I read the pages to my husband. He had to get two tissues to clean up the mess.I even cried a little when my husband brought me the printed schedule of our visits. What a huge blessing!

ICPC approved!

Today I got the best email I have had in quite some time. Our ICPC (the piece we have been waiting for the last 3 months - to the day) was approved today! Tomorrow we will hopefully receive a date and a timeline to pick up our kids! A little part of me is thinking things like this:

Oh my gosh! I still haven't ordered our daughter's bed! Should I wait until that is on the way? I already set that date with my husband to go see Cirque du Soleil - can I really hire a babysitter right after they get here? Do I really want to miss my students' Christmas party? What about that project I have due before break? Can a sub take care of that, or should I stay until that is done?How long do the kids need to process that they are moving before we can get there? A few weeks?

Then another part of me is thinking things like:

I can be available to go get them next week! I will cancel all plans I have and empty my bank account to get there in record time (Does anyone have a jetplane I can borrow for the weekend?). Can they show the kids our welcome book tomorrow? Is that just rushing it? Are people going to work over the holidays so we can get our family? How horrible will it be to have to wait until after Christmas?

I am sure there is a happy medium somewhere. I guess that is why we have a worker and the kids have a worker. Those people will guide us so that the best for all involved.

Another hoop successfully jumped! Waiting for the next one!

Welcome Book

After all the ups and downs since August, we are finally looking forward to the next chapter in our lives. I have spent the last few days sorting through tubs of clothes and toys, taking some courses on attachment and parenting, and working on a welcome book for our kids. I have taken pictures of all our home, church, school, neighborhood, and places of work. We have requested pictures from our family members and friends as well. I have written a sentence or two for each person and place, and I have included our family rules and daily schedule. How exciting! Would be great if we could meet them soon to give them their welcome book!

We have been contacted by the local agency to work on the ICPC, so that is another huge step in the right direction. I recently ran across this Bible verse from1 Samuel 1:27: "For this child I prayed, and the Lord granted me what I asked of him."

Broken Heart

Today I have a broken heart. We have to pick one child or the other three. It has been decided that we cannot have the sibling group and the child we have been fostering for a year. What a choice! If we go with the three, we are blindly choosing children we have never met. If we go with the one, we have no guarantee that we will end up with him. We have loved him for almost 1/5 of his life! If we don't take the one, he will go to a relative, and it will probably be okay in the end. If we choose the three, they will have to do another adoption search. If we choose the one, we will have to continue our journey - we know our family is not complete. If we choose the three, that will be the end of our search for our forever family. What kind of choice is this? We have faith that God's plan will work out, but that doesn't make it any easier for us to try to choose between two halves of our hearts.