Birth mom and best mom

Wow! I missed the two month date, just like I missed the one month. I guess that means we are keeping busy. I survived ONE WHOLE week of work! This was my first week of work since the middle of December, so it was a bit tough to be away from the kids that long. Overall, the kids did much better than I thought they would. I expected lots of eczema flare ups, tears, and time-outs, but they didn't do too badly!

Recently my oldest child found out a teacher at his school is pregnant. He came home talking about babies in tummies and them sitting "criss-cross applesauce." I was not sure where it would all go. In fact, I was terrified. Especially when he began like this:

"Mommy, I wish that..."

I knew what was coming. He was going to say that he wished he was still with the mommy who had him in her tummy. He was going to be sad and feeling this horrible loss. I was going to try to be brave, not cry, and say something profound and understanding. 

"...I wish that I had been in your tummy."

Whoa. I was shocked. I did cry, but not for the reasons I thought I would, and I did say something intelligent like:

"You know what, I wish that too, but that isn't how it is. I'm sorry you are sad about that, but I think it is pretty great that I got to pick YOU to be my kid! Not every mom gets to do that!" 

Then we went home and read Welcome Home, Forever Child: A Celebration of Children Adopted as Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Beyond by Christine Mitchell.

After thinking about that for the last few days, I know that he and I both feel the same loss. We missed the first five and a half years together. We can't ever get that back, but we can have rest of the years to spend loving each other. I know there will be a day when he does wish that he was with his birth mom, but I am glad that, for now, he is so thankful for us. I will pray for wisdom when those tougher days come, I will be able to respond appropriately. I pray that I will empathize and validate his feelings while somehow showing him his security and love.

For now, I will settle for the fact that he likes to tell me that I am his "best" mommy. Not his birth mom, foster mom, real mom, or adoptive mom. I am his best mom. That's better than any other title.

The Best Christmas Ever

I am overwhelmed with joy! This is going to be the best Christmas EVER! We will be able to Skype with our kids for a few days before Christmas, and we will meet them on Christmas Eve. We will visit with them for several days and bring them home for the new year. Despite all the challenges of pregnancy loss and the loss of our foster children, God has truly blessed us. I cannot imagine things any other way. I am so emotionally overwhelmed that I cried from my dentist appointment to the pharmacy and then all the way home - not just little tears overflowing, but ugly, scrunched-up-face crying. Ridiculous!

What are we giving our kids for their first Christmas presents? My husband suggested something cuddly, so I made them each a tie blanket (two Cars and one Tinkerbell). I wanted to give each child their own theme of blanket, but, in the end, I decided to give the toys boys the same thing because I know they both like cars, and I don't know what other interests they have. We are also giving them each a book about forever families and adoption. I cried as I read the sample pages on Amazon. Once again, not a cute, happy cry - I cried loudly as I read the pages to my husband. He had to get two tissues to clean up the mess.I even cried a little when my husband brought me the printed schedule of our visits. What a huge blessing!