The first child my husband and I ever parented has gone home to his biological family. The two weeks leading up to yesterday were quite horrible. Stress, tears, and tantrums while still trying to make some great memories. When we first talked about this day as kind of a vague idea, we told our worker that she should just come pick him up one day and not tell us when it would be - that way we wouldn't have to dread a day for weeks before it came. Obviously that is not how it worked. We did make a few more wonderful memories, and we have a plan to see him again in a couple of weeks. It will be hard, but we want him to know that he will always be in our hearts.
Now we turn our full attention to welcoming our children home. I have organized their clothes and toys, and started some full-fledged "nesting." Next weekend I am making some crafts for in their bedrooms as well as the bathroom. I am also going to make them each a fleece tie blanket. Gives me something to do while I wait.
Today is a relatively good day. Busy and full of looking ahead. I am sure there are quite a few more down days as I mourn this vast loss and pine for new beginnings.
Showing posts with label foster parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Advice
I will never get used to people's unsolicited advice. Yesterday I met a woman through a mutual acquaintance. She is a retired counselor, and was asking questions about my forever family. After a couple of minutes, she went on a bit of a tirade about adopted kids and made these points clear:
They ALL have attachment disorders.
You better be sure you know EVERYTHING about their mental health history before you decide.
Once they have seen abuse there is NOTHING that can change the outcome of who they become.
And so on. So basically she thinks that this is a terrible idea and all adopted kids are crazy and will never be able to lead a good life. Okay, I am aware of challenges of adopting kids through foster care. I have taken classes, read books, watched webinars, and prayed about these things. I have spoken to the kids' counselors and read their histories. I know this will not be easy. Does she think I haven't thought of this? That my husband and I just woke up last week and thought, "Wow, kids in foster care are easy to get and have no problems. They sound like a perfect way to build our family without having to struggle." I believe she had good intentions, but it definitely did not come across well. I KNOW there will be lots of struggles! I have LIVED through lots of struggles already with foster parenting, and I know it will not be an easy road, but I really do not need anyone, let alone random people, implying that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. My advice? Be supportive of people who may be choosing a different path than you. They have their reasons.
They ALL have attachment disorders.
You better be sure you know EVERYTHING about their mental health history before you decide.
Once they have seen abuse there is NOTHING that can change the outcome of who they become.
And so on. So basically she thinks that this is a terrible idea and all adopted kids are crazy and will never be able to lead a good life. Okay, I am aware of challenges of adopting kids through foster care. I have taken classes, read books, watched webinars, and prayed about these things. I have spoken to the kids' counselors and read their histories. I know this will not be easy. Does she think I haven't thought of this? That my husband and I just woke up last week and thought, "Wow, kids in foster care are easy to get and have no problems. They sound like a perfect way to build our family without having to struggle." I believe she had good intentions, but it definitely did not come across well. I KNOW there will be lots of struggles! I have LIVED through lots of struggles already with foster parenting, and I know it will not be an easy road, but I really do not need anyone, let alone random people, implying that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. My advice? Be supportive of people who may be choosing a different path than you. They have their reasons.
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