A Puppy?

So apparently we are just plain crazy. Last week we adopted a 12 week old puppy (lab/retriever mix) that had been abandoned. Who wouldn't want to add in a puppy to this mix, right? We thought it would be good for each kiddo in their own way. My oldest craves love and attention, and a dog is truly man's best friend. He is able to love on that puppy and get loved on in return at any time of the day. My daughter doesn't like things that are unpredictable or loud, but the puppy definitely has worked her way into her heart. I think she might learn to go with the flow a bit more. My littlest has some muscle weakness and is supposed to play standing upright as much as possible. Have you ever tried to make a three year old stand and play?? Well, having a puppy chew on your head while you are playing on the floor sure helps to encourage you to stand up more :) (Don't worry, he wasn't frightened or in any serious danger). So now we have another child: another mouth to feed; another kid to potty train; another snuggler; another adorable bundle of joy to make us belly laugh until we hurt. What's one more member to a family, right? But seriously, six is now enough. Two parents, three kids, and a dog. We are closed!

Skype

Technology is a such a blessing! We are able to Skype with the kiddos foster parents, chat with new relatives they have yet to meet, and it's how we first "met" them! Skype has been very emotional for us all in the last few months. I cried for a long time, tears of pure joy, when I first Skyped with the kiddos. The kids also get pretty emotional when they Skype with their foster parents. I know they need this connection to the last two years of their lives, but it is difficult to deal with the aftermath. They fight over the attention, and they all end up crying at one time or another. So what to do?

Well, I think we have finally found a system that works though! Each child gets 5 minutes to talk to whatever "guest" we have on Skype. This ends up being a 15-20 minute conversation, which is about perfect. It prevents the fighting for attention, and, even though it is still emotional for the kids, no one ends up crying. It is wonderful to be able to keep a connection without having to sacrifice our sanity :) 

Birth mom and best mom

Wow! I missed the two month date, just like I missed the one month. I guess that means we are keeping busy. I survived ONE WHOLE week of work! This was my first week of work since the middle of December, so it was a bit tough to be away from the kids that long. Overall, the kids did much better than I thought they would. I expected lots of eczema flare ups, tears, and time-outs, but they didn't do too badly!

Recently my oldest child found out a teacher at his school is pregnant. He came home talking about babies in tummies and them sitting "criss-cross applesauce." I was not sure where it would all go. In fact, I was terrified. Especially when he began like this:

"Mommy, I wish that..."

I knew what was coming. He was going to say that he wished he was still with the mommy who had him in her tummy. He was going to be sad and feeling this horrible loss. I was going to try to be brave, not cry, and say something profound and understanding. 

"...I wish that I had been in your tummy."

Whoa. I was shocked. I did cry, but not for the reasons I thought I would, and I did say something intelligent like:

"You know what, I wish that too, but that isn't how it is. I'm sorry you are sad about that, but I think it is pretty great that I got to pick YOU to be my kid! Not every mom gets to do that!" 

Then we went home and read Welcome Home, Forever Child: A Celebration of Children Adopted as Toddlers, Preschoolers, and Beyond by Christine Mitchell.

After thinking about that for the last few days, I know that he and I both feel the same loss. We missed the first five and a half years together. We can't ever get that back, but we can have rest of the years to spend loving each other. I know there will be a day when he does wish that he was with his birth mom, but I am glad that, for now, he is so thankful for us. I will pray for wisdom when those tougher days come, I will be able to respond appropriately. I pray that I will empathize and validate his feelings while somehow showing him his security and love.

For now, I will settle for the fact that he likes to tell me that I am his "best" mommy. Not his birth mom, foster mom, real mom, or adoptive mom. I am his best mom. That's better than any other title.

Back to Work...Kind of

So I went back to work on Monday. I hadn't worked in eight weeks because I had two weeks of Christmas vacation and six weeks of adoption leave. I teach 6th graders. My husband is on a business trip for two weeks. Yep, it was definitely a tough week! The days were exhausting, I lost my voice, and I the blizzard sure didn't help. On the bright side, I only ended up working three and half days this week, report cards are done, and I have a four day week again this week. Well, maybe it will only be a three day week because we are supposed to have another blizzard...

Overall, I am feeling like the first week back went better for all of us than expected, and I am excited for next week. I was really worried that my kids would have some regression when I went back to work, but we seem to be going along about the same as we were before. I did forget to do homework with my child one night, but I think this week will be better. Thank God for answered prayers!

One Month

Yesterday was one month since we brought out kids home. That is almost unbelievable! What did we do before they were here? How did we spend our days? What kind of insane people were we to adopt children we had never met? How have I spent the last four weeks? What am I going to do with the next two weeks of leave, and how will I ever function when I go back to work?

I can honestly say that I am already beginning to forget what was like without them. I know we all have so much more adjusting to do, and we definitely haven't learned nearly everything about each other, we are a family that loves each other and is so thankful that we have been united.

When the kids first arrived, I was so worried about them adjusting to life here. They kept telling us about their house and beds and clothes and school. They were talking about all of the things from their past.  I just kept wondering when they would start to think of this life as their life. When would this be their home, teacher, clothes, beds? We are getting there. They know our routines, neighbors, and friends. They can recognize their house and recite their address. In five more months, when we finalize the adoption, I am sure we will feel like we have always been together. Don't misunderstand, we don't want them to forget. We have pictures, and we Skype with their foster family to make sure they remember. We do want them to think of this as their family and to know that these are their things.

I am so thankful for them -even when someone pees in their bed, gets a little sassy, or has a timeout at school. I love them, and I can't imagine life having been any different.

Honeymoon?

So the kids have been doing great! Besides my meltdown when I returned to work for a day, they have really been doing well with transitions, school, eating, sleeping, potty-training, and everything else. Yes, they test our boundaries like normal preschoolers. Yes, it is tough to suddenly have three kids vying for your attention. It's not like things are going perfectly here, but they are going really well. This leads lots of people to tell me that this is just the honeymoon and that things are bound to get worse. So here we are waiting for the bottom to fall out.

I thought yesterday was the day. Our kindergartener woke up with a fever, and the little two were testing boundaries all day. I thought this was the beginning of an unraveling. My daughter threw a fit at preschool for the teacher, and then threw a fit when I picked her up. She laid down on the sidewalk and screamed, refusing to leave unless I carried her. I am not very inclined to carry a four-year old, but I am even less inclined when I have two other kids to walk to the car. After all was said and done, we had a decent even, but she was quite cold towards me. I cried before I went to bed, certain that I had ruined her relationship with me over carrying her to the car. It was a hard day.

I woke up refreshed after a great night's sleep, and so did my daughter. We have had a stellar morning, and she is now happily at preschool. I hope she does great when I pick her up :) Maybe we are still in the honeymoon. Or maybe they really are going to adjust well and just have occasional bad days like all children.

One day of work = bad day

I hadn't worked since December 22nd, and then I worked Tuesday evening (a meeting) and all day Wednesday (another meeting). Yes, I am still on leave until February 18th, but I had a couple of meetings that were very important for me to attend. It was a rough day. Things have been going so well, but yesterday was hectic and unpleasant, and I missed my kids. I picked them up after work, made supper, fed them, cleaned up spilled milk, drove to church (late), and then cried in my car after I dropped them off. I felt like I just rushed them around all afternoon and didn't get to spend any time with them. I sure hope I can adjust when I go back to work in a month. It also really made me realize that I need to make the most of my time at home as possible, and that I will have to give myself some time when I go back. At least all the kids are doing great at school and still adjusting well :)