Spirit Week and Slumber Parties

I have come to dread a few things since adopting my kiddos. First of all, spirit week. This is supposed to be a fun week where teachers and students can dress up and do something different - out of routine. Therein lies the problem. I am certain spirit week was not created to torture kids with special needs, but it does a great job of it. Every day this week, we had tears, fits, and internal/external struggles. Since my oldest verbalizes all of his thoughts, it was very interesting to hear the turmoil this fun event was causing. Let me paraphrase cowboy day: 

I don't want to wear those pants, but I like the vest. 

I like the hat, but not with my shirt. 

I can't wear that, but how can I tie the hat on? 

I am not wearing anything today! 

Seriously! How can I help him if he can't even decide what he wants!? 

Finally the weekend arrived. Our tradition since moving into this house has been to let the kids sleep together in one room on either Friday night or Saturday night. Since they slept in the same room until they came to live with us, we figured it was comforting. For about the last three months, D sabotages his chances every time. Tonight was no exception. After an hour of fits, bartering, going back and forth, and throwing his stuffed animals everywhere, I finally verbalized my observation. 

D (sobbing): I don't get to sleep in her room and they do! 

Me: I don't think you actually like sleeping in other places. 

D (sobbing subsiding): What? 

Me: I think you just like sleeping in your own bed by yourself. Have you ever noticed that you always end up in here? You are only happy when you are alone in your own room like normal? 

D (sniffle, sniffle): Yeah. 

Me: It's okay to not like things being different. You can always sleep in your own bed. You don't have to sleep with your brother and sister or let them sleep with you. It doesn't mean anything bad. It just means you like things to be the same everyday. 

D: Oh. Okay. 

And he was asleep in five minutes. 

PTSD affects every part of my son's life. Even if he wants to enjoy something, the stress of being out of routine sucks all the fun right out of it. I hope we can give him strategies to be able to cope with his past trauma and the lasting effects. I pray every day for him to continue healing and feel better. For now, we stick with routines and remind him we love him not matter what - good days and bad.