Spring Break

Spring break is not a "relaxing" time for kids who require a predictable routine every day...so we welcomed back the visual schedule to our home!

Due to D's anxiety, OCD, and PTSD, he needs a regular and predictable schedule. When he first came to live with us, we used these schedule cards every day for a year and a half. For kids who have been through foster care and trauma, unscheduled time is not relaxing. There are more cards than shown above, but this gives the general idea. We have cards for bath, homework, swimming, playtime, etc. To help with the 11 days at home (four of which Dad was gone), I made sure to go over the daily plan each morning during breakfast. It didn't change hardly at all since we spent the break playing at home, but the cards were discussed daily. If we decided to change something during the day, we all went to the schedule and changed the cards around. Even though it doesn't have times, the kids could see what was "coming up next." Appointments, walks, art, and movies also made appearances during break.

Overall, it was the best spring break we have had in the three years we have had the kiddos. We had dentist appointments (again) and a few excursions like a picnic at a local outdoor area and checking out a ranch. There were very few meltdowns and fits! I am not sure the cards can take all the credit, but I think they were a major factor.

Visit my Etsy shop for these schedule cards as a digital download! They have been a lifesaver!

Saving & Making Money

As a family of five with both parents in education, I am always looking for "easy" ways to make money! Here are some of the best ways I have tried out that take minimal effort!

• Open an Etsy Shop! $0.20 to list an item and 3.5% of the cost goes back to Etsy. Not too bad! This is great if you have a hobby or like to make digital products. I just spent $0.60 to open my shop with some digital files I had created for myself including schedule cards, a lesson plan book that will also have a notebook in the back (so tired of carrying so many things around at school!), and a 2016 planner. Yes, I realize it is only 2015, but I was in a mood :) Check it out! www.etsy.com/shop/TheOrganizedMe 
• Direct Sales are an option for people who have a bit more available time. I started selling Thirty-One about 2 years ago. I now have a team of people, and I average about $150 a month with only one party a month. Not all companies are the same, but I love Thirty-One. I do not need to keep any stock on hand, and I earn 25% commission on everything I sell. Plus I get some great rewards and incentives from the company and a small override from my team. Some months I have made as much as $700. Check it out! www.mythirtyone.com/348459/
• Ebates I signed up for Ebates in 2013, but I really didn't understand it or use it well. Living in a small town, I do the majority of my shopping (besides groceries) online. I shop at Amazon, Walmart, Target, The Children's Place, Barnes and Noble, and iTunes on a fairly regular basis (at least once a quarter). My kids use a lot of hand-me-downs, but sometimes I have to supplement with new clothing. I can also find all of the obscure items I can't find in my town. I try to shop local as much as possible, but then I move on to my online friends! Ebates will also show you all of the current coupons and deals for the store you are going to shop at, including the codes. You just log into Ebates, then search for your store. Ebates redirects you and then rewards you! Up to 6% at some stores, but most are 1-3%. 
• Nielsen Panel - You can download an app that tracks data from your phone, and you earn rewards that can get you actual items or gift cards. We love anything that can get a gift card. There are so many choices! I downloaded the app in December and am just racking up points right now for doing nothing besides sharing my information. Some people are really up posed to sharing information, but it doesn't bother me - definitely a personal choice!  
• Virtual Bee - If you have good typing skills, there are places that allow you to work from home and get paid by completing projects. At Virtual Bee, you take a three part "assessment" to evaluate your typing skills. The biggest challenge is following the complicated directions! You can take the assessment every 24 hours to improve your score. You are given a percentile and then may be offered jobs. I haven't completed any of the jobs so far, so I can't say any more about this one. 
• Walmart Savings Catcher - It is a free app that you download onto your phone. After shopping at Walmart, just scan the QR code on your receipt, and the app will compare what you paid to the nearby stores. If there is any lower advertised price than what you paid, you get the difference. You can get the money back in the form of a Walmart gift card. Since October, we have earned over $20 by scanning receipts. I am saving up for some items for the guest room! 
• Healthy Wage and Diet Bet - Two sites that allow you to "bet" on what you are going to lose. After entering your data, it shows you the returns you can earn on your money if you meet the goals. You have to have money in order to place a bet, however. 
• Thred Up and Like Twice - These online clothing thrift stores/consignment stores offer store credit for referrals as well as sending in your own clothes to sell. This won't be a huge money-maker, but it could help with clothing bills! 

I hope maybe one or more of these ideas can help you out! Rather than putting this money towards the general family fund, I find that I am more invested if I use it to save up for special things. On my current wish list: summer vacation splurges, trip to New York, fitness tracker, decorating the guest room, trip to Colorado, and patio furniture! Happy saving! 

Different

Our family is different. Although the kids look like dad a bit (he has a darker completion and dark hair), they look nothing like me. I am very Scandinavian looking, and they are Hispanic. Today at the swimming pool, another Hispanic little girl about 5 years old asked me where my children were. I pointed the kids out, and then she asked, "What does the dad look like?" It doesn't really bother me, but it bothers my daughter. She draws our family with brown skin and black hair - except for me. I am pink with yellow hair. She has lamented, "I wish I had hair like yours" and "Can I pretend I was in your tummy?" I don't mind these things, but I hope that I am also teaching her to embrace her heritage and not to worry about how people look.  A few weeks ago, she came home and said her friend at school was teaching her Spanish because "her family speaks Spanish...and they all have the same hair color." My husband and I are both fluent in Spanish, so that is not anything too new for the kiddos. It was that last part of the sentence that breaks my heart knowing that she is uncomfortable because she feels different than other families. I hope she never feels less than others because she is adopted, Hispanic, a female, or part of an interracial family.

Because of this, I am learning to be more aware of things. For example, it is nearly impossible to get a personalized book (where your kids get to be in the story) with a protagonist who has dark hair and eyes. In Barbie, the Hispanic doll is the mean one, and there are some other minor "not blonde" characters. Tinkerbell and her fairy friends at least have a bit more diversity, and they seem to be more equally important than in other shows. Disney Princesses are a challenge as well. This week we watched Pocahontas and my kids thought they finally found someone that looked like them! It is about time for a Disney major motion picture musical featuring a Hispanic female lead!

But I digress. This post isn't about how poorly minorities are represented in today's culture. It is about helping my daughter to accept that our family is different, but that doesn't mean we are less.

The Performance

Our elementary school does a performance each year for every grade. In kindergarten and first grade, the performance went really well. As a second grader, D's performance gave him quite a bit more anxiety. I don't know why this year was different. Maybe it was because his teacher wasn't going to be there. Maybe it was because there was a new music teacher. Maybe his anxiety is just growing. I don't really know. All I know is that D spent the three days leading up to the performance crying, throwing fits, and obsessively reminding me of what time he needed to arrive. He worried about people staring at him. He worried about being late.

In the end, he did great. The days leading up to the event, however, nearly did us all in. I am not sure how to help him relax and not worry when we are getting near a big event. We talk through it. We mark it on the calendar. We have never been late or missed a big event. Hopefully we can find the magic answer soon.

The Dentist

Not everyone enjoys the dentist. I have always loved going for my check-ups every six months. If it was allowed, I would probably go every month just to have that really clean, sparkly feeling in my mouth. I love it! My oldest, however, really hates the dentist. When a child struggles with PTSD, anxiety, and hypervigelence, something like a dental visit is complete sensory overload! Between all the people, noises, and smells, it is enough to make him want to run the other way. Talk about intense! The actual feel of the dental instruments, the water sprayer, and - gasp - the suction straw make him almost sick. I don't really recall the first time or two we took D to the dentist. Maybe Dad sat with him while I was with someone else. I now know that it is definitely on his list of activities he would prefer to avoid - at all costs! On Monday, he will have sealants done. His last hygienist was great, so hopefully she will have him again. Last time, he looked at her and said, "I like you, but I hate you touching my teeth." Without missing a beat, she smiled and thanked him. Amazing! We had to cover his face with a washcloth while she sprayed them, and he spit into a cup rather than the suction straw as much as possible. Here's to hoping Monday goes well!

OCD

Footsteps went down the hall. 

"Stupid blankets." 

I opened one eye to see that it was barely 7:00 in the morning. More footsteps. 

"Stupid bed." 

I stumbled into D's room to find him obsessively re-making his bed, blankets strewn all over. I helped him make the bed and set his animals neatly on the covers. 

"Go watch cartoons or something," I said. 

He looked at me like I was crazy and then stared at the clock. 3:12. What?!?! Apparently I can't trust my eyes when I first get up! 

"Okay, go back to sleep," I suggested. 

"I can't! I will mess up my covers!" he protested. 

"Then come lay in my room." 

"What about a pillow?" he questioned. 

"You can't move the pillows either? Okay...here is one you can have." 

He tossed and turned for over 45 minutes before finally succumbing to sleep. 

What in the world? Is he starting to demonstrate severe obsessive compulsive tendencies? Is this a one time event? I guess only time will tell. 

Spirit Week and Slumber Parties

I have come to dread a few things since adopting my kiddos. First of all, spirit week. This is supposed to be a fun week where teachers and students can dress up and do something different - out of routine. Therein lies the problem. I am certain spirit week was not created to torture kids with special needs, but it does a great job of it. Every day this week, we had tears, fits, and internal/external struggles. Since my oldest verbalizes all of his thoughts, it was very interesting to hear the turmoil this fun event was causing. Let me paraphrase cowboy day: 

I don't want to wear those pants, but I like the vest. 

I like the hat, but not with my shirt. 

I can't wear that, but how can I tie the hat on? 

I am not wearing anything today! 

Seriously! How can I help him if he can't even decide what he wants!? 

Finally the weekend arrived. Our tradition since moving into this house has been to let the kids sleep together in one room on either Friday night or Saturday night. Since they slept in the same room until they came to live with us, we figured it was comforting. For about the last three months, D sabotages his chances every time. Tonight was no exception. After an hour of fits, bartering, going back and forth, and throwing his stuffed animals everywhere, I finally verbalized my observation. 

D (sobbing): I don't get to sleep in her room and they do! 

Me: I don't think you actually like sleeping in other places. 

D (sobbing subsiding): What? 

Me: I think you just like sleeping in your own bed by yourself. Have you ever noticed that you always end up in here? You are only happy when you are alone in your own room like normal? 

D (sniffle, sniffle): Yeah. 

Me: It's okay to not like things being different. You can always sleep in your own bed. You don't have to sleep with your brother and sister or let them sleep with you. It doesn't mean anything bad. It just means you like things to be the same everyday. 

D: Oh. Okay. 

And he was asleep in five minutes. 

PTSD affects every part of my son's life. Even if he wants to enjoy something, the stress of being out of routine sucks all the fun right out of it. I hope we can give him strategies to be able to cope with his past trauma and the lasting effects. I pray every day for him to continue healing and feel better. For now, we stick with routines and remind him we love him not matter what - good days and bad.