Discipline

I am the parent of two preschoolers and a first grader. I have known them for about nine months. I am a middle school special education teacher, and my husband is a college coach. I am home evenings and weekends, and he is usually gone those times. What this means is that I am a single parent about half the time, and sometimes I run out of patience.

When I was on adoption leave, I had a lot of patience. I returned to work at the end of February, and I a  lot of patience. Just a few weeks until it was spring break, right? After spring break, I started to lose some patience. Then, in April, we got a puppy. Patience gone! Finally - summer vacation! Patience returned. We spent two glorious months together where I could use my great parenting techniques. Then I went back to work. The last month has been quite the struggle. As we all are struggling to figure out our new normal, Daddy and I have been cranky, impatient, and have become yellers. Not the kind of parenting I want to be doing. 

This weekend Daddy left for his first recruiting trip. I was so scared to be alone with them because I didn't want to yell or be angry. So I decided to refresh my Love & Logic skills. Thank God for You Tube! Then I even purchased a book with a gift card I had for my birthday! In no time at all, I had my patience back! 

Did my kids notice? YES! My six year old had really learned how to push my buttons over the last few months, but he quickly discovered that I wouldn't be pulled into power struggles anymore! His first time out lasted 37 minutes. He tried everything to get a rise out of me: throwing toys, spitting, yelling mean things...and he finally gave up. His second time out lasted 18 minutes. How long was his third time out? 6 minutes. And he only needed gentle reminders after that. Whoa! That left me LOTS more time to love my kids this weekend! 

Seriously, I think it is saving my relationship with my children. It is an adjustment for me because sometimes they aren't "punished" for their behavior. Is discipline really about punishment and consequences, or it is about teaching kids how to behave and understand boundaries in a loving way? My idea of discipline had definitely turned into a completely different idea than how I started this parenting thing. I am thankful Jim Fay, Foster Cline, and Charles Fay were able to remind me of my parenting ideals and bring some joy back into my parenting. 

Tonight we had a small problem before bedtime. My eldest had to go to bed before the others. He was angry. He threw his animal off his bed, but he didn't throw his blankets because he was sad without them last night. He did say some mean things and tried to argue, but when I said, "I love you too much to argue sweetie," he replied, "I love you too." When I asked if he needed a hug, I got a hug and a kiss. His consequence of no stuffed animals stands, but he apologized (unprompted) and said he loved me. Then he told me where he had stuffed a couple more animals in anger. I love my kids!