Loneliness

When you decide to do foster adoption of a sibling group, you know you are going to face challenges. I never dreamt the loneliness would be one of them. I am lonely. I have no one to talk to about everything that is going on. Yes, I read blogs and read books, but I have no one to discuss how it feels to suddenly have three kids 6 and under. The only other person I know who did this is my husband, and sometimes he isn't who I want to be talking to. I need a friend who can understand. My friends are very supportive, empathetic, loving, and helpful, but they can't truly understand. Just like I will never be able to understand giving birth and having a newborn, they cannot understand adopting three preschoolers from foster care. I knew this would be a difficult path, but I didn't anticipate the loneliness.

In Poor Taste

Sometimes I wonder if I am too sensitive. Well, I know I am too sensitive, but sometimes I wonder if I am offended for good reason or not. For example, a relative posted this as their Facebook status today:

Well IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!! I have some AMAZING but at the same time shocking news! I'M EXPECTING!!!!! A little under 15 weeks and counting! I know, I'm shocked too. I can hardly believe it myself. I wasn't going to post it (on Facebook) but since y'all are my family and friends, I wanted to make it official. I'm too overwhelmed to keep it a secret!!! Who would have guessed that me of all people would be expecting again!! But I am!! I am expecting Santa in just 15 weeks! Repost if you have a sense of humor. Lets see how many people read the whole status. That's why it's good to read the whole story before you go run & gossip!!!

As I said, I know I am overly sensitive, but there are many people who have been unable to have kids, have lost a child after birth, or have lost a child while pregnant. I find this offensive and not funny. It isn't a joke to pretend you are pregnant. I find posts like this to be in poor taste. I hope I have never done something offensive like this. 

Now the question is, do I tell my relative how posts like this are VERY hurtful to people like me? Or do I drop it? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I feel like she should know. 

Discipline

I am the parent of two preschoolers and a first grader. I have known them for about nine months. I am a middle school special education teacher, and my husband is a college coach. I am home evenings and weekends, and he is usually gone those times. What this means is that I am a single parent about half the time, and sometimes I run out of patience.

When I was on adoption leave, I had a lot of patience. I returned to work at the end of February, and I a  lot of patience. Just a few weeks until it was spring break, right? After spring break, I started to lose some patience. Then, in April, we got a puppy. Patience gone! Finally - summer vacation! Patience returned. We spent two glorious months together where I could use my great parenting techniques. Then I went back to work. The last month has been quite the struggle. As we all are struggling to figure out our new normal, Daddy and I have been cranky, impatient, and have become yellers. Not the kind of parenting I want to be doing. 

This weekend Daddy left for his first recruiting trip. I was so scared to be alone with them because I didn't want to yell or be angry. So I decided to refresh my Love & Logic skills. Thank God for You Tube! Then I even purchased a book with a gift card I had for my birthday! In no time at all, I had my patience back! 

Did my kids notice? YES! My six year old had really learned how to push my buttons over the last few months, but he quickly discovered that I wouldn't be pulled into power struggles anymore! His first time out lasted 37 minutes. He tried everything to get a rise out of me: throwing toys, spitting, yelling mean things...and he finally gave up. His second time out lasted 18 minutes. How long was his third time out? 6 minutes. And he only needed gentle reminders after that. Whoa! That left me LOTS more time to love my kids this weekend! 

Seriously, I think it is saving my relationship with my children. It is an adjustment for me because sometimes they aren't "punished" for their behavior. Is discipline really about punishment and consequences, or it is about teaching kids how to behave and understand boundaries in a loving way? My idea of discipline had definitely turned into a completely different idea than how I started this parenting thing. I am thankful Jim Fay, Foster Cline, and Charles Fay were able to remind me of my parenting ideals and bring some joy back into my parenting. 

Tonight we had a small problem before bedtime. My eldest had to go to bed before the others. He was angry. He threw his animal off his bed, but he didn't throw his blankets because he was sad without them last night. He did say some mean things and tried to argue, but when I said, "I love you too much to argue sweetie," he replied, "I love you too." When I asked if he needed a hug, I got a hug and a kiss. His consequence of no stuffed animals stands, but he apologized (unprompted) and said he loved me. Then he told me where he had stuffed a couple more animals in anger. I love my kids! 

Soccer Mom

Today was the day I became a soccer mom - minus the minivan. I still drive my Prius. And I hire a babysitter to help me. Maybe that is a little unorthodox, but it is what I need to do to survive. Here was my morning:

6:00 Wake up, take care of the dog, get ready
7:00 Feed kids and eat breakfast
7:30 Dress kids, brush teeth, do hair
8:00 Load car
8:15 Soccer game for my 3 year old. Here is what I have to say about that. He doesn't understand the rules or listen to his coach, but he does run after the ball the entire time. That makes him about the 4th best player on the team! Lol. Some kids just cry, stand there, or go sit on the sidelines.
9:15 Soccer game for my 6 year old. The kids actually understand what is going on, so it is pretty fun.
10:30 Come home and start lunch.

Whew! It was a good thing I had my babysitter from 8:30-10:30 because my daughter was sure glad to have someone to play with! I am impressed by all the other moms who can take three young kiddos in public alone. Maybe someday I will be that kind of a soccer mom. And maybe I will even get a minivan...maybe those new ones with the built in vacuums! Why did it take so long for that to be invented??