Shock

I think the shock is wearing off. My husband is divorcing me. Despite the fact that my children will be crushed, he is unwilling to attend counseling. We have an open rental apartment in our basement...he is unwilling to let one of us live down there so the kids can stay in their home and see both of us every day. Yes, I realize it would be hard for the grown ups, but it would be better for the kids. I feel like I am watching out for four of us while my husband only worries about himself. I asked him what being divorced will allow him to do that he can't do now. He doesn't know.

Thankfully I have a built a web of support. I had friends take my kids to movies, take them to the park, clean my bathroom, help me get the house ready for showings since it is going on the market, painting the back porch, and listening to me while I cry and gripe and dream and everything else.

I have a village to help me keep my kids feeling safe and loved. It is going to be hard, but we will make it.

The D Word

My husband came home last night and told me he wanted a divorce. Yes, things haven't been wonderful since we adopted the kids, but I had no idea anyone was considering divorce. He has definitely made up his mind, and he is not willing to try to reconcile or try counseling. Basically he has been festering about everything that has ever been said or done, my fault or not, in the last decade. I mean, I asked him last weekend if he wanted to try to take a trip for our 10 year anniversary. Maybe he could have mentioned he wasn't planning on being around then. 

All I am worried about right now is my kids. My son is basically like a snowglobe that was just beginning to settle. This is going to shake him all up again. Took three years to calm him down the last time. I wish I could protect him from this. Honestly, I would pretend nothing was wrong for the next decade if that would spare him the pain he is going to experience. This is his absolute worst nightmare: our forever family wasn't actually forever.

I feel that my husband is being selfish, making his needs a priority over everyone else's.