After all the ups and downs since August, we are finally looking forward to the next chapter in our lives. I have spent the last few days sorting through tubs of clothes and toys, taking some courses on attachment and parenting, and working on a welcome book for our kids. I have taken pictures of all our home, church, school, neighborhood, and places of work. We have requested pictures from our family members and friends as well. I have written a sentence or two for each person and place, and I have included our family rules and daily schedule. How exciting! Would be great if we could meet them soon to give them their welcome book!
We have been contacted by the local agency to work on the ICPC, so that is another huge step in the right direction. I recently ran across this Bible verse from1 Samuel 1:27: "For this child I prayed, and the Lord granted me what I asked of him."
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Advice
I will never get used to people's unsolicited advice. Yesterday I met a woman through a mutual acquaintance. She is a retired counselor, and was asking questions about my forever family. After a couple of minutes, she went on a bit of a tirade about adopted kids and made these points clear:
They ALL have attachment disorders.
You better be sure you know EVERYTHING about their mental health history before you decide.
Once they have seen abuse there is NOTHING that can change the outcome of who they become.
And so on. So basically she thinks that this is a terrible idea and all adopted kids are crazy and will never be able to lead a good life. Okay, I am aware of challenges of adopting kids through foster care. I have taken classes, read books, watched webinars, and prayed about these things. I have spoken to the kids' counselors and read their histories. I know this will not be easy. Does she think I haven't thought of this? That my husband and I just woke up last week and thought, "Wow, kids in foster care are easy to get and have no problems. They sound like a perfect way to build our family without having to struggle." I believe she had good intentions, but it definitely did not come across well. I KNOW there will be lots of struggles! I have LIVED through lots of struggles already with foster parenting, and I know it will not be an easy road, but I really do not need anyone, let alone random people, implying that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. My advice? Be supportive of people who may be choosing a different path than you. They have their reasons.
They ALL have attachment disorders.
You better be sure you know EVERYTHING about their mental health history before you decide.
Once they have seen abuse there is NOTHING that can change the outcome of who they become.
And so on. So basically she thinks that this is a terrible idea and all adopted kids are crazy and will never be able to lead a good life. Okay, I am aware of challenges of adopting kids through foster care. I have taken classes, read books, watched webinars, and prayed about these things. I have spoken to the kids' counselors and read their histories. I know this will not be easy. Does she think I haven't thought of this? That my husband and I just woke up last week and thought, "Wow, kids in foster care are easy to get and have no problems. They sound like a perfect way to build our family without having to struggle." I believe she had good intentions, but it definitely did not come across well. I KNOW there will be lots of struggles! I have LIVED through lots of struggles already with foster parenting, and I know it will not be an easy road, but I really do not need anyone, let alone random people, implying that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. My advice? Be supportive of people who may be choosing a different path than you. They have their reasons.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Decisions
After my last post, my little buddy prayed this: "Dear God, if I can only have one thing, please let me live with my grandma." I guess we are not the only ones with broken hearts in this home. The next day, we were told that he could do just that, so I guess God has answered all of our prayers and helped us to make our decision. It is impossibly difficult to think about losing the first child to call us Mom and Dad, and I know that we will always have a hole in our lives that would be perfectly filled by him, but we have faith that this is what is best for us all. Lots of tears to come, though. I don't regret becoming a foster parent and having to deal with struggles and pain, however, because that 10 months we have had to love on him have outweighed everything else.
We can now look forward to our forever family joining us soon. We don't have timelines for anything, but we are very hopeful for Thanksgiving. What a blessing that would be! I know I haven't met them yet, but I already love everything about them, even their struggles.
We can now look forward to our forever family joining us soon. We don't have timelines for anything, but we are very hopeful for Thanksgiving. What a blessing that would be! I know I haven't met them yet, but I already love everything about them, even their struggles.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Broken Heart
Today I have a broken heart. We have to pick one child or the other three. It has been decided that we cannot have the sibling group and the child we have been fostering for a year. What a choice! If we go with the three, we are blindly choosing children we have never met. If we go with the one, we have no guarantee that we will end up with him. We have loved him for almost 1/5 of his life! If we don't take the one, he will go to a relative, and it will probably be okay in the end. If we choose the three, they will have to do another adoption search. If we choose the one, we will have to continue our journey - we know our family is not complete. If we choose the three, that will be the end of our search for our forever family. What kind of choice is this? We have faith that God's plan will work out, but that doesn't make it any easier for us to try to choose between two halves of our hearts.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
I am...complicated
I am a first time blogger. I have come to a point in my life where I
don't know anyone else who has the same experiences as me, so I am
reaching out to the big world wide web. Perhaps someone else will be
able to relate. First, let me explain my life.
I am a wife to a great husband. We recently celebrated our 6th anniversary, and we look forward to scores more!
I am a teacher. I taught 6th and 7th grade math for six years. Two years ago we moved, and I began teaching 6th grade elementary. I loved teaching math, but I am also enjoying teaching a wider variety of subjects and having only one group of students rather than 100 students.
Here is where it gets complicated.
I am a parent...I have struggled with parenthood for the past two and a half years. We had a miscarriage with our first child at 13 weeks. We didn't know we had miscarried, so it was a shock when we went to our appointment to hear the heart beat only to find out our baby had died. After a few months, we decided to try again. With the second pregnancy, the doctor knew it was not progressing normally. After a month of appointments, ultrasounds, and blood draws, we miscarried our second child as well. During this time, I struggled more emotionally and spiritually than at any other point in my life. I cried out to God to save my child. I feared each day that I would lose my second baby. It was hell for me. We pursued some testing and found that, as far as they could tell, there are no reasons that we cannot have a healthy baby. Because of the emotional toll, however, we were not sure we could handle another pregnancy.
We decided at that point to look into foster parenting. We started the process and were almost done with a home study and licensing when we unexpectedly moved to another state. Because we hadn't completed the process, we had to start it all over again in our new state. After 11 months of paperwork, trainings, and background checks, we began foster in November 2011. We knew we wanted to adopt a sibling group through foster care. We would gladly have adopted any of the foster children that have been in our home, but that opportunity did not present itself. I guess a public venue is not really the place to share intimate details about something that isn't official and legal yet, but we have been chosen to adopt a family of three. It is an out of state adoption of three kiddos under six years old. The paperwork and logistics could be quite time consuming. We were one of more than 30 families that applied for them, so I can hardly believe we were chosen. At the same time, however, I KNEW when I saw them that they were my kids. Not only will we be adopting these kiddos, we currently have a child with us...so we are about to be parents of FOUR kids. FOUR. What a scary and exciting thing! I don't know how to do that much laundry, organize my house to make room for them, or plan how to spend one-on-one time with each child each day so that they can bond with us and know that they are loved and cared for. It will be a challenge.
I am excited by having our forever family, anxious to have some answers, overwhelmed by the huge changes coming our way, and happier than I could have imagined!
Maybe you can relate? Maybe you have some advice?
I am a wife to a great husband. We recently celebrated our 6th anniversary, and we look forward to scores more!
I am a teacher. I taught 6th and 7th grade math for six years. Two years ago we moved, and I began teaching 6th grade elementary. I loved teaching math, but I am also enjoying teaching a wider variety of subjects and having only one group of students rather than 100 students.
Here is where it gets complicated.
I am a parent...I have struggled with parenthood for the past two and a half years. We had a miscarriage with our first child at 13 weeks. We didn't know we had miscarried, so it was a shock when we went to our appointment to hear the heart beat only to find out our baby had died. After a few months, we decided to try again. With the second pregnancy, the doctor knew it was not progressing normally. After a month of appointments, ultrasounds, and blood draws, we miscarried our second child as well. During this time, I struggled more emotionally and spiritually than at any other point in my life. I cried out to God to save my child. I feared each day that I would lose my second baby. It was hell for me. We pursued some testing and found that, as far as they could tell, there are no reasons that we cannot have a healthy baby. Because of the emotional toll, however, we were not sure we could handle another pregnancy.
We decided at that point to look into foster parenting. We started the process and were almost done with a home study and licensing when we unexpectedly moved to another state. Because we hadn't completed the process, we had to start it all over again in our new state. After 11 months of paperwork, trainings, and background checks, we began foster in November 2011. We knew we wanted to adopt a sibling group through foster care. We would gladly have adopted any of the foster children that have been in our home, but that opportunity did not present itself. I guess a public venue is not really the place to share intimate details about something that isn't official and legal yet, but we have been chosen to adopt a family of three. It is an out of state adoption of three kiddos under six years old. The paperwork and logistics could be quite time consuming. We were one of more than 30 families that applied for them, so I can hardly believe we were chosen. At the same time, however, I KNEW when I saw them that they were my kids. Not only will we be adopting these kiddos, we currently have a child with us...so we are about to be parents of FOUR kids. FOUR. What a scary and exciting thing! I don't know how to do that much laundry, organize my house to make room for them, or plan how to spend one-on-one time with each child each day so that they can bond with us and know that they are loved and cared for. It will be a challenge.
I am excited by having our forever family, anxious to have some answers, overwhelmed by the huge changes coming our way, and happier than I could have imagined!
Maybe you can relate? Maybe you have some advice?
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