Thursday, June 11, 2015
Are we done?
A couple weeks ago marked five years since we first found out we were pregnant. Five years. Wow. In some ways, it seems like just the blink of an eye. At the same time, it seems like a lifetime ago. Since then, we have lost two children to miscarriage, lost a grandfather and stepfather, parented and lost three great kiddos, moved three times, had three different jobs, and gained quite an extra 25 pounds each that we are trying to take off. So the question is, are we done? Do we plan on parenting any more kids? Biological? Adoptive? If the answer is no, which I think it is. Isn't 31 really early to decide you aren't going to have anymore kids? Do we take a surgical route to make sure we won't ever be pregnant again? If we decide to have surgery, then we eliminate all changes of us having biological children. We really and truly will never pass along our genes. We will never experience the first kicks of a child we created. We will never see which traits of ours got passed along. We will never get to pick names and decide if we want to find out the gender or be surprised when the baby is born. On the other hand, my kids are enough for me. Although I don't want to to be "left out" of those experiences, I don't want to parent another child. It all sounds so selfish when I write it all out, but it is really something to think about.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
it's okay to be done at 31. I'm 32 and thinking that we don't really want anymore kids, and we only have one! i don't see it as being selfish so much as being aware of where you are in life and what you want. If your family feels like enough, then it is. We can each only take so much and knowing yourself is so important. One woman might be comfortable with 6 kids and want more, while another feels overwhelmed with two. We don't all get to have the same experiences, and not all of our experiences end up being the way we thought they would or would want them to be. As for whether or not you make your decision permanent with surgery, that is between you and your husband. There are many options out there, and even a vasectomy is reversible should you later find yourself wishing to try again. You may not see it now, but many traits are passed on by means other than genetics. One day you may see your adult children taking on the qualities that you and your husband have shown them as you raised them, and that will be just as special. You are both instilling a part of yourselves in them as they learn and grow, even if you can't see it now.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment! Since reading it, I have seen myself in each of my kids at least once a day :)
Delete