I have always been a worrier. I remember that when I started reading the Bible on my own (in middle school sometime), I immediately "claimed" verses that talk about anxiety, worry, and fear as my theme verses for my life. From 2010-2013, I experienced a lot of true heartache and toxic stress. I never lost my faith, but I was angry and bitter at times. I had to grieve. One night right before Thanksgiving of this year, I broke down and wept about my lack of trust, the amazing blessings I have, and how thankful I am for my journey. I vowed never to lose trust in God's plan - all the waiting was very worth finding my three kiddos.
Fast forward a few months. Here I am facing some extreme difficulties again (this time financial), and I am back to toxic stress. Yes, I know that no matter what happens, God will provide. We have a savings. We are both employed. We all have good insurance. I know that this too shall pass, so why do I still spend energy fretting? Does that reflect a lack of faith? If I say I know God will take care of us but I still worry, am I revealing that I really only trust when things are going well?
I began spending more time reading God's word over the summer (I hope to keep it up when I return to work next week), and I read story after story and promise after promise that God makes. I feel like I am being reminded that I am truly blessed beyond my wildest imagination and greatest dream. I love my family, job, friends, family, and I have enough. I will make it through whatever comes my way, and I just need to let go of the worrying. It ruins my day.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
I will always be your mother
Yesterday I posted about our exciting adoption finalization. I wanted to highlight all of the excitement and memories we will have forever! I forgot to mention the low point of the day. We invited the foster family that the kiddos had lived with for two years, and the kids loved seeing their foster mother and her kids. It was a great time of hugs and playing, but it was tarnished by the mom's behavior. Upon seeing her, the kids shouted her name and ran to greet her (except my daughter who was NOT interested in reconnecting). When she pulled them in for a hug, she very sternly said, "You do not call me by my name. You can me mom. I will always be your mother, and you will ALWAYS call me mom." Huh?!?!?!
First of all, I am a foster mother. I have foster three kiddos, who I have seen after they have moved on (either back with parents or with another relative). I never told a child to call me mom, and I definitely tried to keep the confusion to a minimum by helping them understand that I would always love them and be their foster mom, but that I didn't expect or want them to continue calling me mom when they left. In the photo album, we labeled everything with our names. One mother asked if the kids could call us "Aunt and Uncle." We told her they could call us whatever she thought was best. Yes, it was hard, especially with the kiddo we had for a year, but that is how fostering goes.
What bothers me the most, though, was how confusing that was for our kids! They have already lost their biological parents, gone through several sets of foster parents, and transitioned to our home. I am sure they were confused and emotional anyhow because of the finalization and seeing their foster family again. Why would she EVER say that they have to call her mom, especially ten minutes before their finalization?
Now, I tend to be a bit sensitive, especially if it comes to my children, but I feel like this was way across the line. I actually feel like talking to the worker and explaining why the kids may have limited contact with her for a bit. Lots to think about. I know it is food for the kiddos to have connections, but not if those connections are adding confusion and pain, right?
First of all, I am a foster mother. I have foster three kiddos, who I have seen after they have moved on (either back with parents or with another relative). I never told a child to call me mom, and I definitely tried to keep the confusion to a minimum by helping them understand that I would always love them and be their foster mom, but that I didn't expect or want them to continue calling me mom when they left. In the photo album, we labeled everything with our names. One mother asked if the kids could call us "Aunt and Uncle." We told her they could call us whatever she thought was best. Yes, it was hard, especially with the kiddo we had for a year, but that is how fostering goes.
What bothers me the most, though, was how confusing that was for our kids! They have already lost their biological parents, gone through several sets of foster parents, and transitioned to our home. I am sure they were confused and emotional anyhow because of the finalization and seeing their foster family again. Why would she EVER say that they have to call her mom, especially ten minutes before their finalization?
Now, I tend to be a bit sensitive, especially if it comes to my children, but I feel like this was way across the line. I actually feel like talking to the worker and explaining why the kids may have limited contact with her for a bit. Lots to think about. I know it is food for the kiddos to have connections, but not if those connections are adding confusion and pain, right?
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Finalized!
We started the foster care and adoption process in January of 2011. We found our forever on May 22, 2012, and the finalization took place on July 5, 2013. Seems like forever and yet just yesterday that this all began. What a journey!
We arrived at the finalization after a LONG morning. We had checked out of the hotel, daddy got a haircut, we stopped for lunch at Chick Fil A (where there was an e coli breakout so we couldn't have fountain drinks or ice), and we had played at a playground. We were hot, dirty, and happy :)
I went into the building first to try to figure out the room number and so on. I didn't make it past security - apparently you can't have tweezers or nail files. When I got back outside, the kids' worker was there, so we all went in together with her. We had a few friends join us as well as the kids' foster family. It was kind of a zoo while we waited with all six kiddos before going into the courtroom, but everyone settled in when we entered the courtroom.
It was the judges first week on the job, so we were only his second finalization. The GAL stood up and said something like, "This family won us over when they told us that they knew this kids were theirs when they saw them online. They just needed to figure out how to get them. We all had tears in our eyes, and this is the happiest adoption we have ever been a part of." Well, that started it off with some tears, but once the formal stuff began, it moved right along. Little Bitty sat on Dad, raised his right hand, and also agreed to adopt all three kiddos. Lol. My daughter sat on my lap and took it all in, and my big boy corrected the judge when he mispronounced our last name. I also had to stop the judge when he referred to my little two as twins. It was a little bit different than I had imagined. Afterwards the judge gave each kid a bear, and we took some pictures. Then we happily drove off to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. It was a great day!
We arrived at the finalization after a LONG morning. We had checked out of the hotel, daddy got a haircut, we stopped for lunch at Chick Fil A (where there was an e coli breakout so we couldn't have fountain drinks or ice), and we had played at a playground. We were hot, dirty, and happy :)
I went into the building first to try to figure out the room number and so on. I didn't make it past security - apparently you can't have tweezers or nail files. When I got back outside, the kids' worker was there, so we all went in together with her. We had a few friends join us as well as the kids' foster family. It was kind of a zoo while we waited with all six kiddos before going into the courtroom, but everyone settled in when we entered the courtroom.
It was the judges first week on the job, so we were only his second finalization. The GAL stood up and said something like, "This family won us over when they told us that they knew this kids were theirs when they saw them online. They just needed to figure out how to get them. We all had tears in our eyes, and this is the happiest adoption we have ever been a part of." Well, that started it off with some tears, but once the formal stuff began, it moved right along. Little Bitty sat on Dad, raised his right hand, and also agreed to adopt all three kiddos. Lol. My daughter sat on my lap and took it all in, and my big boy corrected the judge when he mispronounced our last name. I also had to stop the judge when he referred to my little two as twins. It was a little bit different than I had imagined. Afterwards the judge gave each kid a bear, and we took some pictures. Then we happily drove off to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. It was a great day!
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