So today was a pretty great day overall. We took the kids to the library to try out the "literacy stations." It was pretty wonderful! They played very nicely, checked out some books, and then left without incident. We were impressed! Having had other kiddos before, we were sure someone would be disappointed when time was up on the computer. We just knew someone would have a major meltdown, but we were wrong! Then we came back, took a rest, and I got ready to take my 6 year old to his first friend birthday party. I figured this was destined to be a disaster, ending in tears over not getting presents, having to leave, or something of the like. I was prepared for a meltdown.
Did I mention it was a water themed birthday party? Squirt guns, water balloons, and hoses. How fun for a group of boys! Upon arrival, my kiddo was a bit slow to warm up. He was acting distant and sulky. I played with him a bit and tried to get him engaged with the others. This is a kid who is normally Mr. Gregarious! What was going on? He started to skirt the perimeter, and I know something was seriously wrong. Being a loving mother, I called him to sit on my lap. I talked with him calmly to try to figure out what the problem was.
And then it happened. Someone popped a huge water balloon right in our faces. BOOM! It was all over. Yep, I forgot that my child is terrified of balloons. Water balloons? Apparently. The balloons in the yard to mark the location? Yep. The balloons tied to the chair I was now sitting in? Yessireee. He went into a fetal position on my lap and covered his ears. I tried to talk to him. Not happening. I brought him in the house and coaxed his hands away from his ears. I talked calmly to him, explaining I was sad that he was scared and that I would be happy to take him home and do something else fun if he was scared. The birthday boy's mom offered for him to come back another time. We made it clear we were not angry; we just wanted him to be happy. But then she mentioned cake. What kid is going to leave when cake is an option? So he decided to stick it out.
As the other kids sang "Happy Birthday," my son was covering his face mumbling, "I am scared. I am angry. I am frustrated." He was clearly still very upset. So, I did what any good mother-of-a-foster-adopt-child-who-has-been-through-trauma-and-sensory-issues would do. I decided to make the choice for my son. I decided we were going to leave. I told him he was not in trouble, but that I wanted him to feel happy and safe, so we were going to go home. He lost it.
We went to the car, and I tried to reason with him. I asked if he wanted to calm down so he could try the cake again. Nope, still scared. I asked if he wanted to go home. Nope, want cake. I drove home. He screamed all the way home that I was being mean. I continued to ask if he wanted to go back to the balloon party. No way, but he didn't want to go home. He wanted an impossible solution. I wanted it all over. I drove the worst 10 minutes of my life, and arrived home frazzled. At one point, sadly, I yelled at him. Not a you-are-being-naughty-and-I've-had-enough-of-this kind of yell. A I-love-you-so-much-that-I-am-taking-you-home-so-you-are-safe-and-can-do-something-fun kind of yell. Does that make it any better???? No, I don't think it does.
When we arrived home, I yelled for back up. My husband spent several minutes calming him down from his near-hyperventilation state. He explained everything that I had tried to rationalize with him while he was freaking out, and my amazing son apologized for his behavior. I told him there was nothing for him to apologize for because he was scared and not thinking. I explained that my job as his mom is to keep him safe, and that I had to make a decision to keep him safe, even if he didn't like it. It was a rough experience for both of us, but I think we learned something from each other.
Then we went in the backyard and played in the pool. What else can you do? His behavior was irrational, as was his fear. I can't punish something that he couldn't control. I can try to help him learn. I can ask his therapist for advice. I can avoid balloons. I can apologize for yelling. I can love him even when his behavior is soooo different than other kids his age.There it is. His first birthday party - bashed.
