It seems our lives are made up of changes, whether good or bad. Everyone finished school this last week - Mom, Dad, and kiddos.Next year we will have a 3 year old preschooler, a 4 year old preschooler, and a 1st grader! I hired a tutor for the summer to work with the oldest; he has come so far this year, we want to make sure he doesn't lose a lot of his knowledge over the summer. We also have a plan for how our days will be spent: reading, coloring, cooking, bike rides, swing set, parks, swimming, library programs, Vacation Bible School, and more! We tried not to do more than one "out of the house" thing a day so that we are going to learn how to spend time together with the six of us (we now include the puppy in our family number). We have a few field trips planned to zoos and things. It should be pretty great!
We received our finalization date. It is July 5th. I know lots of people have special parties on this day or celebrate it every year as another special date. We hadn't really been that type of people. We were most excited about the day we got them, and we figured that the finalization was just kind of a technicality. Well, after having the kiddos for almost 5 months now, knowing we were going to get them for 5 months before that, and seeing them on the waiting list 3 months before that, it is a much bigger deal that I thought it would be. As I put the date on our calendar, I teared up. Oh great! How am I supposed to go there and make it though the whole thing if I can't even write it down!?!?!
The last big change for the summer is that I got a new job last week! I had been commuting 30 minutes to work. I enjoyed teaching elementary, and I loved my coworkers, but I hated being on a different schedule than my family, leaving the house BY 6:45, and not being more available. The job I applied for was high school math; something I have never done but am "qualified" to do. It was a long shot, but I was encouraged to just be open to anything. After I interviewed, I was told about a middle school position. Middle school! That is my first love! I was offered the middle school position last week, and I have been so excited! It is a little different than anything I have done before. I will be a special education teacher (yes, I will have to go back to school), working solely in math. Four periods a day will be co-teaching, 2 period of planning/PLC time, and two periods of resource math. I will have a caseload of about 15 kids or less. I am so excited! I know there will be challenges, but I think this truly is the job I am meant to have! I went in yesterday to meet the math team, SPED team, and my "penthouse" floormates (we are on the top floor, so they refer to it as the penthouse). I felt so at home! Today I get to move into my classroom. Next week is a meeting with my SPED partner, and then some meetings with my co-teacher. This is a great opportunity, and I am THRILLED about the change.
What will I do with my extra "hour" a day? I am hoping to spend 30 minutes sleeping and 30 minutes exercising....how did I do today? I spent my exercising time blogging...I guess there is always tomorrow!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
6 years old
My son is going to be SIX years old tomorrow! I have only been a mom for four months! How can I have a six year old?
Well, we started the party today :) We went bowling and out for pizza with a couple of friends. It was a good time, and it was the first time they had bowled. I loved taking them to do something new.
We have given A LOT of thought to what birthday traditions we would like to have for our family, but we haven't asked the kiddos what they would like to see as part of our traditions. Seems like maybe we should do that tomorrow...this isn't about the kids doing what WE want to do for celebrations and traditions. We are blending a family together and taking the best parts of both families to create this forever family.
Well, we started the party today :) We went bowling and out for pizza with a couple of friends. It was a good time, and it was the first time they had bowled. I loved taking them to do something new.
We have given A LOT of thought to what birthday traditions we would like to have for our family, but we haven't asked the kiddos what they would like to see as part of our traditions. Seems like maybe we should do that tomorrow...this isn't about the kids doing what WE want to do for celebrations and traditions. We are blending a family together and taking the best parts of both families to create this forever family.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Mother's Day
I have a love-hate relationship with Mother's Day. Sometime after a couple years of marriage, I started hating Mother's Day. No, I had not wanted to have a baby or had a miscarriage or anything by then, but it starting stirring negative emotions. I always felt like there were hidden messages like:
If you don't have a child yet, you haven't found your life's meaning.
Good mothers don't work. God designed moms to be home with their children for as long as possible...maybe forever.
In 2010, the first strongly hated Mother's Day rolled around. We had recently decided we wanted to have a child. Although we didn't know it, I was pregnant then. I actually skipped church because I didn't want to sit there hearing about how wonderful mothers are. Since we lost that pregnancy...and then a second one... before the next Mother's Day, well you can imagine that I didn't like the holiday any more the next year. We had actually just found out we would be moving to another state, so we spent that weekend looking for a place to live and hiding out in a hotel. It worked out quite well :) Avoidance is probably my favorite way to deal with hard truths.
Mother's Day of 2012 was a totally different experience. I both loved and hated Mother's Day. We were foster parents and had three kids at the time. We were finally "parents." I did receive a couple of Mother's Day gifts, included a very thoughtful family tree picture decoration from my mother in which we could hang wallets of all the children we might foster over the years. My husband and foster kiddos made a hand print collage that brought great sobs through my body. They were sobs of mixed emotions. I was overwhelmed and blessed that we got to parent those three foster kiddos and were now truly parents. I was grieving the loss of my two babies we never got to meet. I was deeply saddened as we were beginning the countdown for the two little kiddos to return home in a few weeks. I was hopeful that we would be able to adopt the oldest child, who had been with us since November - maybe he would be a part of EVERY Mother's Day. I was grieving the loss of the dream of having kiddos the normal way - get pregnant and have the baby. No matter what was to happen in the future, biological or adopted children or both, we would never have the happy pregnancy dream that little girls imagine when they think of motherhood. It had been tainted. I was also anxious to find my forever family and be done with all the stress.
This weekend's Mother's Day had me crying already. I cannot say that I love Mother's Day because it will always probably make me feel someone inadequate for not being "normal." That is horrible to put into writing. Let me clarify. My husband and I have been told repeatedly that there is no reason we cannot have babies like everybody else. No drugs, no interventions, just the old fashioned way. We are choosing not to do that. We chose instead to find our forever family on a waiting child list. This is definitely not how most people become parents. And yet, those are not the tears I am shedding. I cried several times this morning as I was so overcome with gratitude. Three years ago we could not have imagined that we would be in this location, with this journey to parenting, and these jobs. Could not have imagined it. But here we are. And you know what? I love it. I love my town - not very exciting by the world's standard, but it is exactly what we needed for this family. We enjoy our jobs, and we are both doing what we love every day. Most of all, however, we love our family. I was thinking that my kids came into foster care the same time we found out we were pregnant. We waiting the same number of months to find each other. For me, three years is a long time. For them, three years is a lifetime. How can this really be what I have been blessed with? Three kids who love us unconditionally and overwhelmingly? Who don't question the fact that we were meant to be together? How can I not blubber like a fool?
I have already received my Mother's Day gift. Unlike last year, it was not sentimental or homemade, and that doesn't bother me. Last year, the kids we were parenting were just stop along our journey. They taught us a lot about ourselves and parenting, we loved them a lot, and we weren't meant to be their parents forever. We needed to take hand prints and memorize the creases because we wouldn't get to see them every day. This year, I received a bike tag-along (actually my husband uses it because its too hard for me, so I still use the bike stroller). We used it last night to go on a whole family bike ride to DQ. All five us on two bikes. Reminds me of a book, Bears on Wheels. But I digress. Anyway, it was a great gift. I will be able to use it all the time, spending time with what I love most. So maybe I do love Mother's Day?
If you don't have a child yet, you haven't found your life's meaning.
Good mothers don't work. God designed moms to be home with their children for as long as possible...maybe forever.
In 2010, the first strongly hated Mother's Day rolled around. We had recently decided we wanted to have a child. Although we didn't know it, I was pregnant then. I actually skipped church because I didn't want to sit there hearing about how wonderful mothers are. Since we lost that pregnancy...and then a second one... before the next Mother's Day, well you can imagine that I didn't like the holiday any more the next year. We had actually just found out we would be moving to another state, so we spent that weekend looking for a place to live and hiding out in a hotel. It worked out quite well :) Avoidance is probably my favorite way to deal with hard truths.
Mother's Day of 2012 was a totally different experience. I both loved and hated Mother's Day. We were foster parents and had three kids at the time. We were finally "parents." I did receive a couple of Mother's Day gifts, included a very thoughtful family tree picture decoration from my mother in which we could hang wallets of all the children we might foster over the years. My husband and foster kiddos made a hand print collage that brought great sobs through my body. They were sobs of mixed emotions. I was overwhelmed and blessed that we got to parent those three foster kiddos and were now truly parents. I was grieving the loss of my two babies we never got to meet. I was deeply saddened as we were beginning the countdown for the two little kiddos to return home in a few weeks. I was hopeful that we would be able to adopt the oldest child, who had been with us since November - maybe he would be a part of EVERY Mother's Day. I was grieving the loss of the dream of having kiddos the normal way - get pregnant and have the baby. No matter what was to happen in the future, biological or adopted children or both, we would never have the happy pregnancy dream that little girls imagine when they think of motherhood. It had been tainted. I was also anxious to find my forever family and be done with all the stress.
This weekend's Mother's Day had me crying already. I cannot say that I love Mother's Day because it will always probably make me feel someone inadequate for not being "normal." That is horrible to put into writing. Let me clarify. My husband and I have been told repeatedly that there is no reason we cannot have babies like everybody else. No drugs, no interventions, just the old fashioned way. We are choosing not to do that. We chose instead to find our forever family on a waiting child list. This is definitely not how most people become parents. And yet, those are not the tears I am shedding. I cried several times this morning as I was so overcome with gratitude. Three years ago we could not have imagined that we would be in this location, with this journey to parenting, and these jobs. Could not have imagined it. But here we are. And you know what? I love it. I love my town - not very exciting by the world's standard, but it is exactly what we needed for this family. We enjoy our jobs, and we are both doing what we love every day. Most of all, however, we love our family. I was thinking that my kids came into foster care the same time we found out we were pregnant. We waiting the same number of months to find each other. For me, three years is a long time. For them, three years is a lifetime. How can this really be what I have been blessed with? Three kids who love us unconditionally and overwhelmingly? Who don't question the fact that we were meant to be together? How can I not blubber like a fool?
I have already received my Mother's Day gift. Unlike last year, it was not sentimental or homemade, and that doesn't bother me. Last year, the kids we were parenting were just stop along our journey. They taught us a lot about ourselves and parenting, we loved them a lot, and we weren't meant to be their parents forever. We needed to take hand prints and memorize the creases because we wouldn't get to see them every day. This year, I received a bike tag-along (actually my husband uses it because its too hard for me, so I still use the bike stroller). We used it last night to go on a whole family bike ride to DQ. All five us on two bikes. Reminds me of a book, Bears on Wheels. But I digress. Anyway, it was a great gift. I will be able to use it all the time, spending time with what I love most. So maybe I do love Mother's Day?
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