ICPC approved!

Today I got the best email I have had in quite some time. Our ICPC (the piece we have been waiting for the last 3 months - to the day) was approved today! Tomorrow we will hopefully receive a date and a timeline to pick up our kids! A little part of me is thinking things like this:

Oh my gosh! I still haven't ordered our daughter's bed! Should I wait until that is on the way? I already set that date with my husband to go see Cirque du Soleil - can I really hire a babysitter right after they get here? Do I really want to miss my students' Christmas party? What about that project I have due before break? Can a sub take care of that, or should I stay until that is done?How long do the kids need to process that they are moving before we can get there? A few weeks?

Then another part of me is thinking things like:

I can be available to go get them next week! I will cancel all plans I have and empty my bank account to get there in record time (Does anyone have a jetplane I can borrow for the weekend?). Can they show the kids our welcome book tomorrow? Is that just rushing it? Are people going to work over the holidays so we can get our family? How horrible will it be to have to wait until after Christmas?

I am sure there is a happy medium somewhere. I guess that is why we have a worker and the kids have a worker. Those people will guide us so that the best for all involved.

Another hoop successfully jumped! Waiting for the next one!

Visit

We spent an hour today visiting with our little buddy at McDonald's. It was pretty difficult. When I saw him, I just wanted to hug him and hold him and be his mommy again. Instead, I asked questions and played the role of a teacher/mentor. His speech is regressing, and I imagine his reading is as well. It's hard. We watched him frolicking (for real) in the play place, and try to be brave enough to go the very top. I was very proud of him. I asked him when he got his hair cut, and he replied with, "Um....a few days back." That made me smile. What a funny little boy. What five year old talks like that? He asked about his kindergarten teacher, and whether or not we could go visit some of our friends and family. We had to explain that we probably wouldn't be doing that when we visited with him because the visits won't be very long. Heartbreaking. Anyway, it was definitely a time of mixed emotions.

So we came home and my hubby put up a photo wall. I have been asking him to put up the photos for about three weeks, but I guess a five day weekend and the emotions of the afternoon helped out. Now I can see my kids from any of the living spaces in our home.We also set up all of our Christmas decorations. Stockings for the kids are in the mail from a good friend (super excited to see them!), but everything else is set up and ready to go. Now we wait again. What a special holiday season this will be!

Thanksgiving

Flashback to Thanksgiving 2010...
We had recently lost our first pregnancy, my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, so I flew home for her surgery, and my husband's grandpa died while we were visiting. It was pretty hard to find something to be thankful for. I was pretty angry, depressed, and hopeless. A friend came over during Thanksgiving break to tell me that my time for grief was up. I was supposed to be moving forward. How could I move forward when every time I was almost at a good place again, someone else died? She brought her Bible, and read verses that condemned my attitude and grief. And that was the end of our friendship. Honestly. Although we still saw each other, it was just the beginning of the end. I spent Thanksgiving quietly at home with my husband and a friend, and I truly felt I had nothing to be thankful for. Little did I know that in the next three months we would lose another baby and my stepfather.

Thanksgiving 2011
We had just moved to a new state, started new jobs, and had become foster parents a few days earlier. We were thankful for the opportunity to parent. We set up Christmas decorations with a 4 year old (what a crazy adventure!). We drank hot cocoa, hoped for snow, and spent a lot of hours sleeping on his floor so he wouldn't be scared at night. I definitely felt like things were looking up, and I felt thankful for the changes that had moved us out of our comfort zones on every level.

Thanksgiving 2012
I can barely begin to think about everything I am thankful for without tearing up. This last year has not been a picnic, but I feel so blessed to have found my forever family! I just knew it from the moment I saw them online! They will be our children forever. What more can I say? It is the biggest blessing I have ever received. Thanks are definitely in order.

Showers and Crafts

We were blessed this week our church and my workplace both hosted showers for us. It feels like everything is more real. I have clothes, shoes, toys, bedding, and so on. This weekend my friend made the 7 hour trip to come visit, and we even did some crafting! For those people who know me, I am great at organizing, sorting, and cleaning, but I abhor crafts! However, when I am about to get my forever family, crafting is necessary. Not only does it help prepare my home, it makes me feel like I am doing something productive during this waiting game.

What did we make? We made some initials as art for the bathroom, hair bows for my daughter (love that word), and we turned an oatmeal can into a headband and hair bow holder. It was not a relaxing weekend, but it was productive and helped me feel like we are getting closer to being a family.

One tiny worry...

What if they don't show up and we have to somehow give back all of the gifts?!?!? 

Now that I have voiced that fear, I will do as one of my administrators says and "put in a bubble and blow it away." I have known in my heart since May 22 that these are my kids. The rest of the world has known since the end of August. Now I just have to have faith that they will get here when they should.

Here are some photos of the aforementioned crafts. Seriously, I can't believe I spent an afternoon on these things!

Going Home...Coming Home

The first child my husband and I ever parented has gone home to his biological family. The two weeks leading up to yesterday were quite horrible. Stress, tears, and tantrums while still trying to make some great memories. When we first talked about this day as kind of a vague idea, we told our worker that she should just come pick him up one day and not tell us when it would be - that way we wouldn't have to dread a day for weeks before it came. Obviously that is not how it worked. We did make a few more wonderful memories, and we have a plan to see him again in a couple of weeks. It will be hard, but we want him to know that he will always be in our hearts.

Now we turn our full attention to welcoming our children home. I have organized their clothes and toys, and started some full-fledged "nesting." Next weekend I am making some crafts for in their bedrooms as well as the bathroom. I am also going to make them each a fleece tie blanket. Gives me something to do while I wait.

Today is a relatively good day. Busy and full of looking ahead. I am sure there are quite a few more down days as I mourn this vast loss and pine for new beginnings.